Would you like the truth?

Would you like the truth?

I like Superman because of Superman ice cream.

I like Audrey Hepburn because my dad said I reminded him of her when I was 15, and little did he know I had already loved her.

I like Pac-Man because when I was little I would play it in Buddy’s Pizza and got a mini joystick one for my Birthday one year to play after school. I spent hours on that thing.

I like Jeeps because my moms best friend would drive me in a bright yellow one to school when I was seven where at one point she backed into a tree and I said “be careful of the fucking tree” and that became some joke years later.

I like panic! at the disco because of Brendan Urie and Dan Howell re-introducing me to them.

I like the Beatles because I grew up with the Beatles music and made a point to mention something Beatles whenever I saw it anywhere partially because my dad likes them too.

I like to write because it clears my head, it’s fun, and I’ve also been doing it since I was seven.

I liked the newspaper for the comics, mainly the comics. That is also one of me and my dads things I guess. I also liked the paper because of Gilmore Girls, not solely because I liked being in the paper for eating a donut when I was little at my favorite cider mill (I was like 4, me recollecting this memory is nbd and never has been).

I like to read because I love books, always have, and would even get dropped off at the library after school before my mom went to her second job, partially because I had to, but definitely because I loved it since I can remember. Moving on from Nancy drew in the kids section to the teen books was big for me. 😂

I like having a YouTube channel because I get to post mini videos about my life, disinteresting to a lot of people but great for me since I’ll want to watch them back when I’m 80 years old.

I have never once liked any of my favorite things for anyone else.

Those, if any, corresponded with my favorite person at any point in time – those were a coincidence.

And I’ve never lied about “movie moments,” not a single damn time.

I’m sorry if I’ve caused you trouble, I’ve never meant to be a problem.

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Whisk Me Away – What Could’ve Been

Grab my hand and whisk me away under water.

Where no one can see us.

Where waves crash and the orange melts with the pink and the yellow in the sky… signaling its time to swim to shore.

We both stay afloat on our own.

I see his eyes lock with mine as I come up for air, almost sinking moments before.

He watches me.

I paddle around, make faces, splash water, and he just watches me.

Then BOOM.

He spreads his arms out, pulling me down to the bottom of the water; where the sand meets feet, where I meet my match.

Others find our little hideout in the middle of the sea, and he still notices me.

What am I to him?

A question I don’t bother to ask.

Screw the sea, this is our floor.

This is where it begins.

We dance our way to who is best when it comes to maneuvering around the waves.

Encouraging each other, behave.

This is the way it should be.

Drowned in each other rather than drowned in worries and fables.

He’s reached for the best of me, for so long, waited for the best of me, and I didn’t pull back this time. I’ve finally accepted that he’s all mine.

I wish he liked me back

I could be sad and sit here and think about a boy.

I could be sad and remember the few moments I had with him.

I could think back on the last few moments we had, seeing each other.

I could flashback to my ex and cringe, yet look at him and thank god I met someone like him.

I could be upset he has someone else that looks at him as if the world is in his eyes.

I could be upset that he’ll never look in my eyes and see the world.

I could love him with my whole heart, but he will never love me back.

I could try to replace him with guys I date, but nothing will do that.

I could sit here and type out 15 reasons why we could work, but that doesn’t mean we ever will.

God, I  wish he liked me back.

Changes in Thoughts

I used to think I wanted to get married at 27 or 30, but the more I stop and think about it now, I wouldn’t mind being married earlier in life. Sure I’m only 22, but that means more time to spend with the one I love.

Kids, now, Kids I definitely want to wait until I’m 30. No doubt there, just straight up what I feel.

I think these feelings change once you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I mean, sometimes you don’t know what you’re feeling until you feel it. Everything will happen in time though, I’m in no rush.

Conquering Chloe: Chapter 8

Madelyn greets us with a smirk, a backhanded compliment about my outfit, and surprisingly a nice one about my mom.

“Your mom’s really sweet, too bad you didn’t take on that characteristic,” she says.

I sit in silence, I was always told it’s better to ignore the bullies. And while Madelyn didn’t scare me, I still wanted to remain quiet so she wouldn’t get the worst of me.

As I contemplate responding back with a clever remark I see Hayden across the cafeteria in the lunch line holding chips, he raises his hand asking if I want some. I shake my head. Madelyn catches glimpse of this and says “I thought you were anorexic, anorexic people don’t eat chips.” I thought to myself “this girl really is a piece of work.”

Kelsey slaps her hand on the table and says “get up now” to Madelyn, who trots away with that same smirk she showed with.

Kelsey says “That bit**–” before Hayden sits at the table to the left of ours, tossing a bag of Cheeto puffs my way. I nod my head to say thank you, despite wanting to take the bag and throw it’s contents at Madelyn.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s just angry Max is into you.”

“I think you’re delerious” I say to Kelsey with a giggle.

************

“Hey” comes from behind me on the bus, it’s Max.

I just stare.

“So I saw you talking to Madelyn today, could it have involved someone like me?”

“Why would we be talking about you?” I question quickly.

“I don’t know, isn’t that what you girls do? Gossip and talk about guys?”

“Unlike your pre-conceived notions, I beg to differ. We weren’t talking about you, don’t stay up too late figuring out the details” I respond back.

Getting off the bus at my stop I don’t even turn around to look at him, I walk straight off, and as fast as I can past my friendly neighbors house.

Surprisingly, he’s not home. Sometimes his mom picks him up. Halfway down the street I notice a green jeep headed my way, I thought nothing of it until the passenger stopped near me. Tilting his sunglasses and squinting his eyes, Hayden says “haven’t seen you in a while” while I’m stood in disbelief he’s driving this car.

I continue walking.

He puts it in reverse.

“Hey, I can give you a ride you know…”

“What the seven houses I have left to walk by? I think I can manage.”

“Suit yourself.”

Hayden rolls up his window and drives away. What does he think? That I’m going to just get in his car? For all I know he’s driving it illegally.

An hour after I get home I hear a knock on the door, I open it to find a note on the steps. “Come here” it reads.

“Come where?” I question out loud with a dazed look on my face. And then I see it, parked near my driveway is Hayden’s new ride. Although, this time it has no doors on it.

“Just what are you doing here?” I ask the empty car.

AHHHHHHHH. He jumps out of the bush to the right of me, scaring me half to death.

I nearly punch him in the arm and gesture with my hands “ah, you idiot!”

“I want to take you somewhere,” he says.

I pause, then shrug my shoulders, I’ll take a chance.

The seatbelts don’t work. “What is this? How am I going to be safe,” I ask.

“You won’t, that’s the catch” he says as he begins to drive off while I scream, holding onto the dashboard for dear life.

 

 

There has to be more

“Maybe I’m just not meant to find true love” she thinks as she begins to feel water prickling the corners of her eyes. Swiping on a dating site left left left on everyone she sees she looses all hope. “How could he see me as just friends” she thinks. Clutching her heart she holds her breath, anxious to get to sleep knowing she’d have to sleep with a heavy heart. “There has to be more than this.” I deserve better. I deserve a man who wants to get to know me before he decides I’m friend material. I deserve a man who cooks for me and let’s me cook for him in return. I deserve a man who texts back in a timely fashion rather than hours later. I deserve a man who wants to give me the world because he saw the world in my eyes. I deserve better. I deserve BETTER. And I can’t sugarcoat it, it hurts like a fucking Bitxh right now, and there’s no one to hold me. Why’d he cuddle with me if he only saw friendship! Why’d he take me out and order me fries if he knew that was all it was? It’s too early to tell that I am friendship material!! Damn bastard. I shouldn’t be loosing sleep over some narcissistic asshole that’s not actually a narcissistic asshole (completely) all because he said we’d be better as friends. I’m hurt, bitch I am HURT. Begs the question, am I going to be stuck single forever? God, I hope not. I can’t find someone that loves me repeats in my head and I’m forced to shake hands with the fact that it could possible never happen. What a load of shit. What a LOAD of shit. What I didn’t realize was that all that time that was spent was basically an audition to be a part of your life. BUTTHOLE.

Gutted

I’m broken hearted because a girl in my class got the job I really really wanted over me. She was talking about it before class, I choked back my wonderings to say congratulations and then when it came to her talking to the teacher about it I got up, and left.

I thought I wanted nothing to do with photojournalism anymore, but I don’t want to give up. All this has made me realize is that I really really want to pursue photojournalism in the future and I need to grin up and bare it.

I’ll be returning to the job I’ve been at for the last four years until I can find a means to make a living at. The end of college is NEAR and while I’ve waited for it, for what feels like forever, I still feel this anxiety about it.

And even if I never hear back, at least I know I’m decent at taking pictures of products and can try to start something with that.

Love you guys, pray for me,

Nat 💖

Random thought

For some reason taking pictures of other people makes me more nervous than if I’m getting my picture taken. Maybe it has to do with the need of not wanting to let people down, and when it’s me in front of the camera, it’s just me… I don’t know. Random thoughts, carry on.

My favorite makeup

Lets talk about my favorite makeup. First, concealer. Now, I LOVE shape tape by tarte, but recently the born this way sculpting concealer has stolen my heart. I have two shades, I’m not the best at color matching but I try, what can I say.My all time favorite blush is coralista by Benefit cosmetics, it’s the most gorgeous coral that also has a highlighting effect. Rockateur is pretty cool too. Coffee and cream highlighter by Elf cosmetics (Heart Defensor) is BEAUTIFUL. I’m in love with the cream side, but will be getting a lot more use of the coffee side as I get tanner during the summer. Can’t beat it for $8. My all time favorite foundation is the Lancôme Teint Idole Ultra wear foundation. It’s SO GOOD. Honestly, anything by Lancôme is great I find.Tarte blushes I’ve grown a mini collection of and I just love them.I hope you’ve enjoyed this mini look into my makeup bag! Let me know what you keep and love down in the comments. 💖 I’m such a makeup junkie, I’d love to meet others!

i was not

I was not put on this earth for choosing

I did not read until the break of day for nothing

I have not lied under pressure

I did not go through what I went through for nothing

I was not, ever, trying to steal you, with bad intentions