Tag Archives: blogging

I Would Really Like To Know

Look, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I’ve been popping around even though it’s not even once a year. I come because I need things, not because I have to see you.

I never dated in high school because I was always afraid that whoever I did date would stalk me, or just never let this idea of being with me go. I know that sounds silly, but these are serious fears I had. Or should I say have.

The truth of the matter is that you were the only guy that ever really made me feel safe. You were the only one who made me laugh, the only one who made me smile, the only one who gave me this warm fuzzy feeling inside when I fell so unbelievably low as the leaves fell with me.

At 16, everything was still new to me, as it is for every 16 year old. But there’s something I always knew, that I may never find the feeling I felt when I was with you.

I’m not coming around to spark something that could’ve happened years ago.

No, I literally just need to buy things.

I am sat here overthinking because today I was faced with the feeling of being unsafe.

I thought I saw someone I used to know at my bus stop.

I told myself it wasn’t who I thought, that it wasn’t what I thought…

And then I saw him again later on in the night.

He was alone, still wearing the same clothes, the same sweater I had seen at the bus stop earlier in the day, the same sweater I had my face buried in over a year ago as he hugged me and dammit the tears forming in my eyes can’t put into words how it feels to feel unsafe.

And then I saw you last weekend.

You told me to come back and see you, you looked down with a flushed face as I tried to read the signs on if you really did want me to see you again or if it was pure sarcasm.

I thought that if you really wanted to see me, then you would. If you really wanted to speak to me, then you would. If you really wanted me to be yours, I would have been already.

I got the feeling in the pit of my stomach, the warm and fuzzy feeling I haven’t truly felt since I met your eyes across a room as 16 years old-you told your jokes-and I laughed at everything… even the really bad ones.

But tonight I’m sat feeling sort of lonely, yes. But, I’m also scared. I don’t want any ghosts from my past, I’ve NEVER been one to revisit those unless on my own.

I’m thinking about you now because you always made me feel safe.

It’s all very stupid I know, and you may think I’m crazy, I know, and hell you even said “come back and see me” but is that out of love or is that out of pity.

I would really like to know.

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Period Pain Plan 

Bet you can’t say the title ten times fast… 🙂

Period plan:
1. Wake up whenever you want (unless you’re working, then get yourself some Advil asap)

2. Get to the couch stat

3. Shout for your sister to grab you the clicker, then proceed to ask for water

4. Avoid all cute things, unless you’re completely alone and in the mood to cry happy / lonely / funny tears

5. Listen to some music, whatever your favorite is to boost your mood.

6. Watch a funny movie instead of a rom com, and especially don’t watch a horror movie, why would you do that to yourself

7. Once you have any energy at all take a nap, then after you’ve regained consciousness go for a little walk.

*As odd as the walk sounds, it will help with cramps believe it or not*

8. Make some kind of list whether it’s for groceries or to buy yourself something after surviving the first day of period so far– you freaking deserve it.

9. Read a book if TV, your phone, and social media are just too much for you right now.

10. Put your hand on your stomach to calm it down. Don’t know why this works, but it does; don’t question the magic.

Love,
Nat 💖

Picture Travel

I want to travel. If you know me, you know this is something I’ve dreamt about since I was 12.

The reason I read so much as a kid was due to the fact of me being so immersed in another world, whether it was Paris, another state, or some fantasy land (like in The Hobbit).

Now that I’m 20, I’m trying my best to be able to do that soon.

But its hard, Living Is Expensive.

While its easy to think you understand at 15, once 20 hits, reality does too.

But, I think I’ve come up with a solution for me to be able to experience other worlds and not have to wait until I’m 30, or 60 to do so.

I’ve heard about travel points over the last couple of summers… I’ve heard that by opening some type of travel credit card and earning points, that its possible to save money on flights, food etc. simply by using it on the ground.

Now, I don’t know too much about these, and anything with the word “credit” makes me second-eye it… but from anyone who has actually traveled or used travel points and travel cards, please let me know how it started and what you’ve been able to do since opening the account.

The first place I want to go is somewhere not far from home, yet in another country about a day’s drive away.

This isn’t some kind of puzzling question, this is me trying to avoid telling you where I actually live. 🙂

Not sure if I’ll be driving, flying, what have you, but just in case I want to try and prepare for it.

With these travel points, people are able to build them up in a year and fly off to London for instance…

I can’t express to you how badly I want to be that person.

So, with that said, please let me know you’re experiences / favorite places to open one with.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

Love,

Nat

 Sparks A Piece Of History

I’m always making notes. Ever since I was able to hold a pen, I’ve been making notes, songs, writing down ideas. 
I can’t tell you how much data I’ve used up by writing notes on my phone ( and two others from before) along with my iPad (rip) and computer.
I wish there was a way for me to find all of them. Although there isn’t, there’s at least my old e-mail which hold quite a few. 
One day I’ll go through them, maybe share a few… but for now I just want to talk about how much I love writing. 
Not only do I focus better, remember tasks I’d otherwise forget, and come up with creative ideas that I put few to use, but it helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something. 
I started out with a pen and paper, even now I do still prefer a pen and paper… but, those ideas that come on around 2 am or so (the most creative I think), or the ideas that come to thought in a dream, are written in my phone. 
No matter how you look at it, you’ll see I always write and I most likely date the paper too. 
There’s something I find really cool about going to back to things I wrote or drew back in 2013, for instance, because it sparks memory and it sparks a piece of history from my life. 
It does for everyone when they discover something they thought they lost. 
The way we write tells a story too; why do we curve the g’s and y’s? 
Why do we write in cursive or print?
Why do we have sloppy handwriting sometimes and clean as pledge the next? 
There are more unique things about ourselves than what we thought…
Even when it comes to something as “simple” as writing. 
Thanks for reading. 🔥
Love, 

          Nat 💖

I Have A Choice

Get this.

I’m wearing this eyeshadow, I’m wearing this full face of makeup, or at least what *I* consider a full face of makeup— for Myself.

I’m not wearing it because social media told me to.

I have a choice.

I have an option of whether or not I want to wear makeup.

Everyone seems to try to pinpoint what is “right” and what is “wrong” all the time, or they try to keep on everyone’s side to seem like they aren’t bias.

Now let me tell you, I care, I do. I care a lot about everyone I meet, what people think of me (semi-sometimes) because everyone feels this way, it’s just natural to care.

Everyone questions “am I good enough, is this winged liner even, do I even feel like wearing foundation today… no, but I’m going to wear it anyways because there’s this cute guy in my class and in order for me to work up the courage to even look at him I have to look inside my soul, find this confidence that’s buried somewhere, and LET IT FREE by wearing whatever make-up makes me feel damn GOOD on this day.”

Yes, that sentence was completely bombastic and slightly unnecessary.

But the key thing to remember out of what I just said is confidence.

Everyone has it, it’s fueled by different things. Me for instance, I do better at life in general when I feel like myself, when I feel good, whether that’s with make-up or without.

There used to be a time where I wore make-up because I felt like I had to. I felt naked without it, or I felt just completely not myself.

And sometimes I still do feel that way, but I’ve noticed the caring on that level has SUNK, let me tell you.

I went out in public, with no makeup, hadn’t washed my hair, I looked like I was going through a crisis slightly, because I kinda sort of was, and I took a smoothie to this guy that sort of liked me but I wanted to be clear we were just friends and I thought he was sweet.

SoooooOoOoooOOOOOO I went back in the house and immediately was asked “what, you went out like that?” and I said “yes, who cares? If he likes me anyways then he needs to see the real me, and accept me, right?”

*laughs at self *

…………………………………

ohhh my goddd

And then the other person just looked at me and smiled probably internally screaming “what happened to you?!?!?!”

But seriously, I’m sitting here telling you that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to feel good about yourself.

You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup; you don’t even have to wear any make-up.

And yes I know there are girls that exist who do both proudly and props to you, I am that person too—sometimes.

But the truth is, I just love makeup. And, I also just love rubbing my eyes.

Everyone stresses about being liked but it’s all about doing whatever you like— that will help you achieve this happiness and validation you’re searching for.

And if you’re really looking for likes, you need to be yourself. An original, not a copy of a neighbor or celebrity; you’ll be surprised how many positive responses you get when you yourself feel good about what you’re doing, wearing, and putting out into the world.

*P.S. I sort of want to film a video on this, do you have any thoughts on it? Am I missing anything or do you sort of relate to me at all? I’d love to hear. 🙂

Love,

Nat

Know You’re Faults

It’s important to know you’re faults. Your own faults.

Not everything is everyone else’s fault.

Here are some of mine:

  1. I am shy- very painstakingly shy.
  2. I talk a lot or sometimes not at all when I get nervous.
  3. I’m an introvert, I like to be left alone- not be alone (as Audrey Hepburn says). That’s a little hard when it comes to being surrounded by a bunch of extroverts in my family with opinions. Then again, what’s a family without opinions on every thing you do?
  4. I want to travel- so so so so badly. But, I can’t save a penny for my life. I do spend on myself sometimes but I also love to buy things for other people and disregard the fact that it will jack up my bank account.
  5. I jumble words (this is something I found out more recently).
  6. I have weird feet. There, I said it: I don’t like my feet. That’s not so much of a fault as it is a criticism of my own appearance.
  7. I can get jealous.
  8. But I also really don’t care at the same time because I believe the sayings “everything happens for a reason” and “if it’s meant to be it will be.”

 

Good things:

  1. I’m compassionate. I’ve always gone above and beyond when it comes to empathy and if I so much as hear a sad snippet of someone’s story whether fiction or non-fiction I will most likely tear up. I think this is more a good thing than bad because it shows I’m human.
  2. I have moments where I’m fearless and throw all caution to the wind whether it comes to an interview, trying something new, or simply talking to someone I haven’t before. These are my favorite.
  3. I’m quiet. This means I listen to people.
  4. I want to travel- what kind of world would it be if I couldn’t read and travel through books at least?
  5. I’m a hard worker. I always have been (the main thing I focus on is details), I don’t know any other way. And if something were to not be perfect, I’ll either try a different way or accept it and move on.
  6. I’m Care free. I’m care-free but not to the point where I give zero damns about anything.
  7. I have a fast metabolism and like chocolate a lot so it sort of balances out lol.
  8. I own up to anything wrong or misleading I’ve done (or sometimes paranoidly think I do).

*IMPORTANT: If you make a mistake or hurt someones feelings, please own up to it as soon as possible or try to fix in some way. There’s a lot more respect, and less regrets if you do so.*

What are some of your faults / good qualities?

All for Galifornia

Ever since I randomly stumbled upon the new blush by Benefit on an Australian website,”Galifornia” has been on the top of my list- because I knew it was one that I’d fall head over heels for. Galifornia is the absolute reason I splurged a bit today…

I went to Ulta, and I went to a corner store afterwards (mainly to pick up some mucinex for my mom who has a cold; keep away from sneezers people it’s cold / allergy season).

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And yes, I did take these photos outside. 🙂 The best lighting is there, and today was a nice day anyway’s so psh if you judge me.

Onto the things at Ulta:

1. Soap and Glory ‘Clean on Me” shower gel.

2. Soap and Glory Super cat liquid liner pen (which slightly terrifies me, but less than the super cat fat liquid liner unless I was going for a thick liner look which I rarely do) in “jet black”. Still a hard-core dollywink eyeliner fan. 😉

3. Benefit Cosmetics “Galifornia” Blush. Fun spin on California, which I’m hoping / wishing to go to in June for VidCon. I’ve read some reviews on it that mention the golden overlay disappearing after 5 swipes and while that’s most likely true, I still felt the need to buy it. It looks like summer, it smells like summer, it simply reminds me of summer. Plus, Coralista my all time favorite blush ever to exist which always comes from Benefit reminds me a bit of this by glancing at it. Not entirely sure if it will resemble it all but either way I have a gut feeling I’m going to love it. ^_^

Onto the things at the corner store:

  1. Herbal Essences Body Envy shampoo
  2. Herbal Essences Body Envy Conditioner
  3. Revlon Eyelash Curler (my old one was soooo overused that I threw it out a month ago and haven’t used one since)
  4. Curad Bandaids just because I’ve always wanted to try these and what better a time to buy some when someone needs one and there are none in the house.

That is the mini look into what I bought today!

Hope you enjoyed reading, do you know of anything I should keep my eye out for make-up wise, hair wise, book wise, or all sorts of wise?

Love,

Nat 💖

 

 

BareMinerals Original Foundation

I’m not sure if I’ve ever talked about the Bare Minerals original foundation before, but I’m going to do it now whether or not I have. 🙂

It is AMAZING.

It comes in two different formulas: original and matte.

It has SPF 15.

It can be used as a foundation or a powder.

It makes you’re face look flawless.

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I have the shade “medium beige” in the original formula which is $27.50, in an un-screwable packaging.

The downside is that it can be messy- so i tend to tap away excess either over the sink or on the side somewhere AwAY from my clothes. I definitely don’t suggest applying it while sitting down in an almost all black outfit, but you can try it if you dare.

Another iffy thing is the packaging for the bare minerals foundation looks just like the packaging for their mineral veil powders and blushers etc. which is no big deal but can be for some; if someone is shopping in a rush and picks up the wrong formula or more expensive product than say a $22 product (As you can see I thought of one of the worst-case scenarios as per usual).

Let me know if you’ve used these before, and what one 🙂

Love,

Nat

 

 

 

 

Job Interview Makeup

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IMG_8733Begin with a moisturizer, because moisturizeing your face is IMPORTANT. Then, prime your face– some say this makes no difference whereas others like me find it vital so it lasts all day and goes on nice and smooth.

IMG_8736Onto face necessities, I wouldn’t say foundation is necessary because it’s important to not completely cover up, at least it’s a tip I carry when meeting someone new- and especially for an interview. Eyebrows are up to you, but I find filling mine in a task worthwhile since they may be accidentally covered in concealer and it tends to bring any look at all together on the face. I have with the dip brow, an essence eyeliner brush which I find works just as good as the matching $18 brush which sits next to the product on the shelf.

IMG_8737A cat eye is a bit much for an interview, so a nice brown smudge of a line with a slight flick at the end brings attention to the eyes without being overpowering. Mascara is a go-to no matter where I’m going I feel a little more put together with mascara on, and once again it brings attention to one’s eyes.

IMG_8739Blush is always a fun time; I have a matte and a shimmery one- its personal preference really. I like to go for shimmery coral because I find it looks natural and glowing whereas matte reminds me of fall and works best for a super natural approach. Along with powder (which should go on before blush) I would suggest using a setting brush instead of a giant fluffy one if just going with concealer.

IMG_8740Highlighter is to glow, and I am one who loves glowing haha. I also have a lip balm with color (completely go for Burt’s Bees because this is Dior and this was a splurge for me) so it’s not too much like lip gloss or lipstick can sometimes be. Setting spray to set the face and re-hydrate is next, if needed.

 

Products used:

  1. Fresh Rose Deep Re-Hydration Face Cream
  2. Travel Size Benefit Porefessional
  3. Benefit Erase Paste (under eye circle miracle worker) in “Light 01”
  4. Anastasia Beverly Hills Dip Brow Pomade in “Soft Brown”
  5. Rimmel London Exaggerate Waterproof Eye Definer in “212 Rich Brown”
  6. Yves Saint Laurent BabyDoll Mascara
  7. Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-hour blush in “Glisten” / “Blushing Bride”
  8. Essence Powder in “10 Light Beige”
  9. Wander Highlighter in “Ivory”
  10. Dior Lip Glow Color Reviver Balm in “001 Pink”
  11. Mario Badescu Skin Care Facial Spray with Aloe, Herbs, and Rosewater

We Need to Chat about My Future

I am at a loss for words as I sit in the lobby of a building typing this, something that is out of my comfort zone a bit, because I’m not in the comfort of my room let alone in my hometown.

I used to think the dream was to be away from my hometown, to be off on adventures no matter whether it was a hike through some woods, a walk around a city, or on a plane (has happened few times for me) going somewhere entirely different.

I crave adventure.

I want new experiences.

And I want good memories to overshadow my awkward self that I love– but to a degree.

I used to believe I would be stuck forever in my room a shy, self-conscious (during my early teenage years) yet confident person with a desperate need to explore new opportunities and environments. Falling victim to having aspirations and hope, yet eventually with time, no matter how hard I worked or believed, fearing failure.

There is no failing.

Oprah Winfrey didn’t fail as she began her life as a talk show host, producer, actress etc. after being fired at 23 from her first reporting job.

Tina Fey didn’t fail, now a comedian and actress worked at the YMCA age 23.

Stephen King, an iconic author didn’t fail as he lived in a trailer and worked as a janitor age 24.

J.K. Rowling, (another iconic author) of the Harry Potter Series was practically homeless at the age of 28.

Vera Wang, a fashion designer known around the world didn’t design her first dress until age 40.

The late Julia child,  a chef you may have noticed, inspired the movie Julie and Julia and didn’t release her first cook book until age 49.

The late Alan Rickman, was not a widely known actor until age 42 when he landed his first role after deciding to stop pursuing graphic design.

And so on and so on…

So if someone tells me I need to give up and that I’ll never amount to anything– even if that person is me at times– I remind myself of these amazing people who got their start in the middle, and many with struggles.

Everything takes time, the issue is that my time is up on making a decision in regards to college decisions.

Choosing a major, choosing an area of focus, deciding where I’ll live next year and who the hell with, let alone whether or not I want to pursue my dream of traveling despite the realization that I actually like comfort… is mind boggling.

Yes, in a sense that comfort has been ripped away over the last few days, but whose to say it hasn’t been slowly building up over the course of a year.

Also known as, the mid-college crisis.

I know it will get better, but it is incredibly frustrating to remember this as I’m being stretched thin by my own unstable comprehension.

I know I can get through these decisions everyone says not to worry about, but the time is now and plain as day that I can either try for my dream and fail a few times in the process, or I can give up all together and settle.

I’m not one for settling, I’m one for finding an alternate way around a situation so that I can make the most out of what I’ve been given to work with.

Life can be crazy, challenging, and exhausting  but to write our own story we all have to go along with the ride and hope we end up somewhere amazing.