Tag Archives: Heartbreak

Not Yours 

** I wrote this back in November. I’m sharing it now because I’m going through old notes, and am finding a lot of poems, writings, pieces, whatever you want to call them.ūüĆłAll I want to add is that a whole lot can change in just one year.ūüé¨** 

It’s been next to five months and I can still feel his lips on mine.

 I can feel his arms wrapped around my waist as he pulls me in for a hug. I always loved those. 

I can sense his eyes as my own follow a page of a book. 

I can hear his heart as it asks to be mine, but I refuse to take it. 

And now I understand why he ran when I finally came to the decision to express that I loved him. 

He couldn’t handle me. 

Back and forth I went, in fact I made a bet with myself on when he would get sick of me. Purely because, I wanted him too. 

I forced my way out of his heart in order to protect my own.

 But what I would come to find is that when I felt the time was right, he would vanish because something pretty and new had walked by. 

 And it was no surprise to me that I couldn’t keep his eye. 

But what would provoke me to believe I was at a loss when he had given up something he couldn’t see, something he defied in every sense of beauty, someone who claimed she was the queen. 

Oh dear heart, if only you knew. 

It was his choice, not yours, to let go of you. 

What if I stop saying “what if”

*Note: this is completely random and utterly in need of some kind of editing, but please know that I wrote this in one minute and I needed to simply express it haha*

I’m scared. What if he’s changed. It’s been four years since I saw him. Three since I REALLY saw him. What if his smile doesn’t light up anymore. What if he’s grown cold and shudders at the thought of me. What if he ignores me completely. 
What then. 
What if. 
What if I stopped saying what if. 
What if he smiles because I took the time to reach out. What if he laughs because it took so long. What if he says he wants to see me as soon as I’m home. 
What if my heart gets exactly what I want…
But he’s not what I want anymore…
What if I stopped saying what if…

Let’s talk about love.

I want to talk about love for a second. No, I am not an expert on love, that is an absolute fact. However, I know what it feels like, and I know what it shouldn’t feel like.

I know some of the people reading this may be going through a break up, in a new relationship, in a four year relationship, there are many different possibilities. Whatever the case may be, I just feel the need to tell you what I believe love to be, and to help anyone questioning whether they are in it or not, or feel they should be for that matter.

First and foremost: it does not matter if you are in a relationship right now or not. **The first step to loving anyone else is loving yourself first**

What love should feel like:

  1. When you love someone, their happiness makes you happy, their sadness gets you a bit down and so on. But, that in no way should mean you take it to heart and they rip you up from the insides due to their imbalance of emotions.
  2. The overwhelming feeling of butterflies when you see them or think of them, yet comfortable when you’re with them.
  3. You’re always smiling.
  4. You push each other to be the best version of yourselves. There’s no belittling eachothers ideas or dreams in order to keep the other person around.
  5. When you say you love them, you mean it 100%.
  6. You write about them.
  7. They look at you when you’re not looking at them in a way as if to say you’re the only thing they see. and when you catch them, they smile and look away.
  8. You get excited when you think of the littelest memory– For instance, when they sat down next to you when they could’ve sat by their friend on the other side of the room when given a chance.
  9. You want the best for them, even if the best isn’t you.
  10. You still love them after they’ve gotten a haircut (sounds bad, but some people are only into other people for their looks. Shocker, right? You want to make sure that’s not you)
  11. You think about them every day and wonder how they are doing.
  12. They dont leave you to fight your own battles when you need them. You may say you don’t need them, and you may be angry when they try to help, yet they stick around because they know you need them whether you want to admit it or not.
  13. They do sweet things to cheer you up, bring ice cream when your sick or a pacski on fat tuesday.
  14. they don’t change the station when you’re favorite song is on that they aren’t too fond of. Instead, they crank the volume up and give you a “what I do for you” look instead.
  15. They make you feel like all the heart pains you’ve felt before were worth it.
  16. They respond right away to a text, email, phone call, etc. That’s just common courtesy though too.
  17. They NEVER comment on your weight unless asked a question.
  18. They play songs that make you happy when you’re sad.
  19. They lay with you when you have your monthly enemy and give you chocolate. (okay, this is just a nice thing, what girl wouldn’t want this. Actually funny, because this was me but then one day he did and I oddly felt better).
  20. When you see them for the first time in a while they pick you up in a hug.
  21. They write you a note every once in a while to tell you you’re one of the nicest people they’ve ever known. And you believe it.
  22. They sit and read a book with you.
  23. You’re comfortable in silence.
  24. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care.
  25. They bring you soup when you’re sick.
  26. They do little things for you that make it feel like you have everything.
  27. You can feel in your soul that this person understand you. You’re quirks, sense of humor, thoughts, and all.
  28. You want to look good for them. You’re all about looking good for yourself, but in this case you want to look good so they know how good you can look and that you cared enough to not throw on sweats for once.
  29. They dont care that you like cartoons and disney movies, they will gladly watch them with you.
  30. They don’t care if you would rather sit and play a whole 22 levels of a knock-off Donkey Kong game instead of go out to dinner, they will gladly sit there and watch you play it (you also ask them to play, of course, no rudeness here).
  31. When you look at them you feel like you’re home.
  32. They make you laugh. If a person can make their crush genuinely laugh, that is a great sign.

 

What love shouldnt feel like:

  1. A relationship should never feel like a constant battle.
  2. You should not rely on them–or any other person– for your own happiness.
  3. They should never be mean to you. Whether its once in a while or you see it becoming more everyday, there should be no competitions or intentional physical or emotional harming. Ever.
  4. You hear the words “I love you” and your gut (ALWAYS listen to your gut, I can’t stress this enough) tells you something isn’t right.
  5. You don’t write about them.
  6. WHEN EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DO ANNOYS YOU.
  7. .They buy ice cream for themselves and send you a photo knowing you are sick. They do this with a lot of things come to think of it.
  8. They say your “boney” after saying you were getting “chubby in the thighs” months prior, and claim it was a joke.*Flashback to “Love Actually” when Natalie was telling Hugh Grant about her ex and sadly, this is a legitimate thing some guys do and say thinking its okay).
  9. They only act kind and care about you when their friends are around.
  10. They don’t say sorry. Instead, they flip the situation around on you, so you then reflect two hours later and feel like a hopeless idiot when in reality this is their little manipulative magic trick.
  11. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care. But if you ever say one thing about yourself, they pretend to fall asleep and/ or change the topic.
  12. When they seem to pay the most attention to you its when you’re wearing legginggs or any kind of clothing that shows off you’re shape for once.
  13. They whine when they don’t get something they want. I’m not talking a cute whine, I’m talking about flat out “whhhyyyyyy” the kind of things little boys do, and then throw a fit.

**Disclaimer: I’m in no way saying I know exactly what love is or that these are the only tell-tale signs the person you’re in a relationship with is a yes or no… genuinely just wanted to share my view on a few good and/or bad signs the s/o could be dodging or bringing to your attention.**

Don’t worry if he turns out to be an asshole. No, you arent stupid, and no, hes not the last guy that will ever find you attractive in everything you do. It takes a lot of steps to get past heartbreaks. but you’ll meet the right one, this is just the journey leading up to it. Sometimes, especially if their an asshole, the relationship wont be as hard as you thought to get over.

All the people prior to finding that one person, they are lessons. Take what you like and didn’t like from those relationships and keep it stored in the back of your mind for later. No guy is the same, don’t compare every guy you meet to previous relationships, don’t work based off a mental checklist, but take these things as steps and tics as to what you’re looking for or in need of.

Also, there is NEVER a good time for a break-up, ever. There is always a birthday, a holiday, or some sort of festivitiy. The right thing to do is to not lead them on, not everyone knows the right thing. Sometimes its hard to do the right thing when being put in a position where one may feel powerless, but it will take a giant weight off your chest that you may not have known you were carrying.

If you’ve been under countless stress, back and forths with yourself, sleepless nights filled with tears, etc. know that you are worth more than that. There is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you. It will shock you when you actually meet them, but it happens when you least expect it. They are waiting just around the corner.

Love, Nat

Friend Zone

I just watched this video and it is incredibly PERFECT.

To be honest this just reminded me of this one guy I was talking to for a bit and when I asked if we could just be friends first, right away he aid “no” which threw me back a bit. I felt exactly like the last line in this video. But being my usual “give everyone¬†ten chances self”–which you should NEVER DO–I went out with him again because¬†I thought maybe I wasn’t fair to him and maybe he isn’t¬†as bad as I had originally thought.¬†You know when you get hint after hint and yet still doubt someone could actually be who their portraying (a terrible human being)¬†in the first place? Well, after making up my mind I¬†decided I didn’t like him and told him he needed to find a girl who worked with him better (letting him down gently) and his response was different, one because his friends were sitting a bit near us while this was going down (completely NOT planned, I had no idea whatsoever)¬†but I’m pretty sure at one point he kicked my leg. I was furious and had no doubt in my mind I was doing the right thing by ending everything with this guy. I absolutely HATE to say this, BUT, guys who take advantage of girls (and vice versa for that matter), guys who expect something in return for whatever, guys who deliberately try to make you feel like CRAP after you decide they aren’t good for you (even when let down in a nice way), DO exist. So be careful, please, why water the weeds when you can water the flowers.

Welp, this video is for those who think they’re doing the right thing and being a “gentleman” who deserves something something after being so.¬†The case is, no one has to do ANYTHING for you/another if they don’t want to. Asshole.

Love,

Nat

Taylor Swift Songs That Will Help You Get Over A Breakup

It’s no secret that Taylor Swift has had a lot of past relationships. But it’s also no secret that miss Swift holds many well deserved Grammys, CMA awards, as well as many other music awards she rightfully deserves. She also holds the ability to connect with her fans and write songs that quite honestly make one feel like she’s stolen their journal and written a song about their experience. Without a doubt, whatever situation you’re going through, there is a Taylor Swift song that can help you cope and describes basically you’re exact situation.

Whether you are the one who broke up with the boy, you’re the one who was the dumpee, or you’re friend stabbed you in the back, its going to hurt. And not just for a day, but for a little while, until you can fill that hole with something else. Heartbreak is no fun, and Taylor Swift, sushi, and massive amounts of chocolate are in you’re aid.

15. We Are Never Getting Back Together

For when you give¬†them chance after chance and you’re finally like “I’ve had enough, we are never getting back together, like EVER.”¬†Peace out girl scout ‚̧

14. All You Had To Do Was Stay

He wasn’t sure what he was doing so he left, or maybe you closed yourself off and he was on the fence about you,¬†but he wants another chance and you’re just like “look, all you had to so was stay!”

13. Come back be here

For those long distance relationships where you still love him, but you wish he was here with you right now at this very moment.

12. The Story of Us

when you aren’t quite sure what you are. Whatever you had kind of just ended and you’re constantly running into them. Not sure if you’re friends¬†or nothing really…¬†It’s just awkward and weird. My life story ūüôā

11. The Moment I Knew

When you finally realize he never really cared about you. He said he’d be there always, even when you broke up, and he’s not. Instead he’s flirting with another girl while you’re crying in a bathroom and everyone¬†contemplates what the hell is happening.

10. White Horse

He cheated, and you’re like “where did this come from?” The guy you thought was Mr. Prince Charming is a fake, a liar, and a complete jerk. He asks for you back and it takes you everything in you to say “No.” Also it takes¬†everything in you to be the bigger person and not say “go fuck yourself.”

9. Clean

For when you are at the final stages of getting over him.

8. Back to December

when you remember all the good times but also how you let him go because you thought it was the best thing to do. Now, you want him back, but there was a reason you broke up with him, you’re gut was telling you to. This is you’re apology for potentially breaking his heart.

7. I knew you were trouble

For the guy you know you shouldn’t be seeing, you’re whole being is telling you “no” but you can’t help but say “yes” when he asks you out. You think there’s something more to him but he’s just a big ole’ mistake in the end, proving you’re original theory to be right. Honestly, the beginning of the music video where she’s talking ¬†describes this perfectly.

6. Begin Again

For when you thought there was no way love would ever come back to you ever again. When you feel¬†like you’ll¬†end up alone¬†with five dogs. When its 4 am and you’re driving¬†around listening to sad tunes calling up you’re best chummy in tears.¬†But hey, believe it or not, this heartbreak will stop and¬†there ARE nicer people out in the world! Ones who won’t comment on what you wear or say their opinion is the best yet praise an open mind.¬†ūüėÄ

5. Dear John

For the guy that had some plans, not good plans, but with bad intentions and they hurt you really bad whether it is on purpose or not. Low blows are an absolute no.

4. Last Kiss

For when you’re feeling really emotional and are¬†remembering everything about them you liked. How everyting they ever did made you want to just hug them and they persuaded you to try things you¬†don’t normally do.

3. Tell Me Why

He was abusive. You’re glad he’s finally out of you’re life and find it hard to believe any human being could be so reckless.

2. I Almost Do

For when he pops into you’re head whether it b at 2 a.m. or in the middle of the day. Either way you miss him, but you know you can’t go back. You can’t pick up that phone and call him.

1. All Too Well

You cant help but remember him. This song might be one of my all time favorites of Taylor, maybe even songs in general.

Taylor Swift heals all, anyone who cant see her genius is crazy.