Hi, I went outside today.
I’m wearing this eyeshadow, I’m wearing this full face of makeup, or at least what *I* consider a full face of makeup— for Myself.
I’m not wearing it because social media told me to.
I have a choice.
I have an option of whether or not I want to wear makeup.
Everyone seems to try to pinpoint what is “right” and what is “wrong” all the time, or they try to keep on everyone’s side to seem like they aren’t bias.
Now let me tell you, I care, I do. I care a lot about everyone I meet, what people think of me (semi-sometimes) because everyone feels this way, it’s just natural to care.
Everyone questions “am I good enough, is this winged liner even, do I even feel like wearing foundation today… no, but I’m going to wear it anyways because there’s this cute guy in my class and in order for me to work up the courage to even look at him I have to look inside my soul, find this confidence that’s buried somewhere, and LET IT FREE by wearing whatever make-up makes me feel damn GOOD on this day.”
Yes, that sentence was completely bombastic and slightly unnecessary.
But the key thing to remember out of what I just said is confidence.
Everyone has it, it’s fueled by different things. Me for instance, I do better at life in general when I feel like myself, when I feel good, whether that’s with make-up or without.
There used to be a time where I wore make-up because I felt like I had to. I felt naked without it, or I felt just completely not myself.
And sometimes I still do feel that way, but I’ve noticed the caring on that level has SUNK, let me tell you.
I went out in public, with no makeup, hadn’t washed my hair, I looked like I was going through a crisis slightly, because I kinda sort of was, and I took a smoothie to this guy that sort of liked me but I wanted to be clear we were just friends and I thought he was sweet.
SoooooOoOoooOOOOOO I went back in the house and immediately was asked “what, you went out like that?” and I said “yes, who cares? If he likes me anyways then he needs to see the real me, and accept me, right?”
*laughs at self *
ohhh my goddd
And then the other person just looked at me and smiled probably internally screaming “what happened to you?!?!?!”
But seriously, I’m sitting here telling you that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to feel good about yourself.
You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup; you don’t even have to wear any make-up.
And yes I know there are girls that exist who do both proudly and props to you, I am that person too—sometimes.
But the truth is, I just love makeup. And, I also just love rubbing my eyes.
Everyone stresses about being liked but it’s all about doing whatever you like— that will help you achieve this happiness and validation you’re searching for.
And if you’re really looking for likes, you need to be yourself. An original, not a copy of a neighbor or celebrity; you’ll be surprised how many positive responses you get when you yourself feel good about what you’re doing, wearing, and putting out into the world.
*P.S. I sort of want to film a video on this, do you have any thoughts on it? Am I missing anything or do you sort of relate to me at all? I’d love to hear. 🙂
It’s important to know you’re faults. Your own faults.
Not everything is everyone else’s fault.
Here are some of mine:
*IMPORTANT: If you make a mistake or hurt someones feelings, please own up to it as soon as possible or try to fix in some way. There’s a lot more respect, and less regrets if you do so.*
What are some of your faults / good qualities?
Ever since I randomly stumbled upon the new blush by Benefit on an Australian website,”Galifornia” has been on the top of my list- because I knew it was one that I’d fall head over heels for. Galifornia is the absolute reason I splurged a bit today…
I went to Ulta, and I went to a corner store afterwards (mainly to pick up some mucinex for my mom who has a cold; keep away from sneezers people it’s cold / allergy season).
And yes, I did take these photos outside. 🙂 The best lighting is there, and today was a nice day anyway’s so psh if you judge me.
Onto the things at Ulta:
1. Soap and Glory ‘Clean on Me” shower gel.
2. Soap and Glory Super cat liquid liner pen (which slightly terrifies me, but less than the super cat fat liquid liner unless I was going for a thick liner look which I rarely do) in “jet black”. Still a hard-core dollywink eyeliner fan. 😉
3. Benefit Cosmetics “Galifornia” Blush. Fun spin on California, which I’m hoping / wishing to go to in June for VidCon. I’ve read some reviews on it that mention the golden overlay disappearing after 5 swipes and while that’s most likely true, I still felt the need to buy it. It looks like summer, it smells like summer, it simply reminds me of summer. Plus, Coralista my all time favorite blush ever to exist which always comes from Benefit reminds me a bit of this by glancing at it. Not entirely sure if it will resemble it all but either way I have a gut feeling I’m going to love it. ^_^
Onto the things at the corner store:
That is the mini look into what I bought today!
Hope you enjoyed reading, do you know of anything I should keep my eye out for make-up wise, hair wise, book wise, or all sorts of wise?
I am at a loss for words as I sit in the lobby of a building typing this, something that is out of my comfort zone a bit, because I’m not in the comfort of my room let alone in my hometown.
I used to think the dream was to be away from my hometown, to be off on adventures no matter whether it was a hike through some woods, a walk around a city, or on a plane (has happened few times for me) going somewhere entirely different.
I crave adventure.
I want new experiences.
And I want good memories to overshadow my awkward self that I love– but to a degree.
I used to believe I would be stuck forever in my room a shy, self-conscious (during my early teenage years) yet confident person with a desperate need to explore new opportunities and environments. Falling victim to having aspirations and hope, yet eventually with time, no matter how hard I worked or believed, fearing failure.
There is no failing.
Oprah Winfrey didn’t fail as she began her life as a talk show host, producer, actress etc. after being fired at 23 from her first reporting job.
Tina Fey didn’t fail, now a comedian and actress worked at the YMCA age 23.
Stephen King, an iconic author didn’t fail as he lived in a trailer and worked as a janitor age 24.
J.K. Rowling, (another iconic author) of the Harry Potter Series was practically homeless at the age of 28.
Vera Wang, a fashion designer known around the world didn’t design her first dress until age 40.
The late Alan Rickman, was not a widely known actor until age 42 when he landed his first role after deciding to stop pursuing graphic design.
And so on and so on…
So if someone tells me I need to give up and that I’ll never amount to anything– even if that person is me at times– I remind myself of these amazing people who got their start in the middle, and many with struggles.
Everything takes time, the issue is that my time is up on making a decision in regards to college decisions.
Choosing a major, choosing an area of focus, deciding where I’ll live next year and who the hell with, let alone whether or not I want to pursue my dream of traveling despite the realization that I actually like comfort… is mind boggling.
Yes, in a sense that comfort has been ripped away over the last few days, but whose to say it hasn’t been slowly building up over the course of a year.
Also known as, the mid-college crisis.
I know it will get better, but it is incredibly frustrating to remember this as I’m being stretched thin by my own unstable comprehension.
I know I can get through these decisions everyone says not to worry about, but the time is now and plain as day that I can either try for my dream and fail a few times in the process, or I can give up all together and settle.
I’m not one for settling, I’m one for finding an alternate way around a situation so that I can make the most out of what I’ve been given to work with.
Life can be crazy, challenging, and exhausting but to write our own story we all have to go along with the ride and hope we end up somewhere amazing.
I get a call asking me where I am, why I haven’t shown up for work.
I am home.
I am happy.
I am in my car, with my mom, going to pick up my sister from work, and no stress whatsoever.
I’ve just watched “A dog’s purpose.”
Not the best emotional state, but definitely not putting up with these so called “responsibilities” I was never notified about to begin with.
Especially considering I was under the impression I was terminated from my job.
The job that I work 100 percent at every single day, the job that I get truck done (shipments sent to the store weekly) 70% faster than everyone else, the job where I give everyone smiles and respect unless a bad vibe is inevitably present. The job where I take a photo of the schedule every single time I am there, yet due to not being present for a while was unable to do so and was told she would be called if needed and that it was “nothing personal,” although we both know it was.
Even then, I still smile sometimes in hopes of the small chance they’ll smile back.
Offended doesn’t even begin to explain my feelings as I speak to my coworkers, people who used to love me, people I used to talk to and laugh with, who now look at me with a hint of disdain.
Or at least, that’s how it feels.
Not even a goodbye back as I head out the door.
I question it all, as I continue the job I’m supposed to do.
One day a week due to school swarming me, I was unable to do what I could the year before and during the summer which was 3 or 4 days during the year, and almost every day during the summer.
The first day feeling of spring in the air, with 60 degree weather and not a cloud in the sky– has turned to rain in my mind.
Due to something so unbelievably stupid.
I’ve seen many people come and go through my almost two years at this establishment, but it didn’t occur to me that maybe some were pushed out.
Or voluntarily left, because it became much more difficult under the thumb of new store management.
It got complicated– we all have lives, but don’t we all have sympathy as well?
I am not lazy. I have bad days.
I am not a slacker, I try to balance everything at once.
I am not a slow learner, I learn quickly but due to lack of sleep not as comprehensive at times–few times for that matter.
I am not a person who takes malarkey that’s thrown my way. If I know you are lying–
I will call you out.
Boss or not.
If you know me, you know that I care.
You know that I have a shy nature with glimpses of an outgoing presence.
This gives the impression of being a snob or conceited at times, but it is far from reality.
There are times when I’m way too sorry, when I’m way too lenient, when I’m way too nice– but do not mistake that for weakness.
You never want to mistake kindness for weakness.
But when something does ding ones heart a little too bad, water will flow from my eyes like a waterfall, especially when deceived regardless of whether or not I knew I was being treated like putty.
I am stronger than this.
I am worth more than this.
I can do better than this.
Someone came in today who used to work with me– she is doing much better, and let me tell you she was not in her best form before starting this new job. She is happier, she is smiling, she looks damn good, she ain’t lost it (had to reference Beyoncé’s song).
I don’t intend to lose it either.
I haven’t yet, why the hell would I now?
I want to see the world and I will not get the thought of a chance, if I continue with where I am now.
I deserve better, just as my coworkers deserve better– they are all amazing people.
From the one who looks like she’s in college yet in reality has been married forever with a teenage son, isn’t a huge fan of tampa, and has gave me the mystery machine hot wheels car before someone else grabbed it, you are one that I look up to, and slightly idolize.
From the one who also looks like she’s in college, and drinks her coffee like a Gilmore to have time to spend with her 3 year old daughter and play video games, one that I look up to.
From the one who I didn’t meet until last year, he gave me a free mascara that ended up being top-notch by the way, if he ever reads this. He is the life of the party, and one that I look up to.
From the one who is never not sarcastic, and knocks people over for fun (not in a bad way)–literally. The one that helped me out when he could, which was really nice, maybe I was too dependent at times. One that I look up to.
From the one who I only ever say “hello” to when I walk through the door but works in a different section of the store and is always complimented by the elderly who can’t remember his name, I look up to you.
From the one who was terminated or quit, that came back then left again, I hope you and your fiancé (or now husband) are doing well, I look up to you, even if you’re only a few years older.
From the one who never failed to put a smile on my face that gave me a near heart attack when mentioning a stomach issue– I’m glad you’re feeling better. I look up to you.
From the one who is chatty, and makes everyone chatty too even if they’ve had a blue day, you are gorgeous, funny, and remind me of a friend.
From the one who liked early mornings would talk politics and english with me– you are so flawless and sometimes it seems like you don’t even know it. Never ever let someone make you feel inferior because you are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my life.
From the one who wore flowers in her hair, you are so kind and cheery, you are one that I look up to.
From the one I din’t see too often but reminded me of Ryan Gosling, you’re pretty cool, just keep being you, I look up to you.
From the new guy who always seems a bit bland, I’m sure you are super funny, and your also a hard worker, I look up to you.
From the one I met one day that I never got to know because you work in a different section, you are amazing and it’s a shame we never knew each other better because I think we’d have been good friends, I look up to you.
From the one who walked home with me a few times (even though you have a skateboard which is freaking amazing) that I told about Safe Trek, you seem really awesome, I look up to you.
From the guy who’s my age that got married, I have no clue what happened to you but I hope you are well and still swimming no matter the outcome of one event, you are one that I look up to.
From the one who was gone unexpectedly as I returned for the school year, I hope you love your new job and still carry all the wisdom you gave me. Btw, the blonde wig looked nice on you, you are one that I look up to.
From the one who disappeared, but seemed to have a bit of trouble in the beginning- I am SO glad you are doing better. You deserve it– your sister isn’t the only one who is climbing mountains, you are one that I look up to. ❤
From previous management that was there when I started, I hope you are safe, happy, not weighed down by your dad who seems to be too much at times (at least from what I’ve witnessed), and enjoying sun somewhere, even if it isn’t Florida. It was always smiles from every single worker when you were there. You are a natural leader, I look up to you.
To the new girls who started this fall, you’re all hard workers and seem to be really sweet.
However, the new store management and jerks who don’t believe in my power to bounce back, can kiss it.
This has grown on me.
It started out with me being ecstatic to use it because it smells like roses (one of my favorite things / scents) and then turned into me questioning it.
Yes, I read reviews before buying it (it is about $40), and yes I also googled photos and some information before as well.
I’m not the type to just blow $40, I mean unless I was given $500 or something, which has yet to happen to me at random.
What drew me to it was that Fresh (a company originated in Italy) made it, the one that also makes the one that smells like cucumbers (Youth preserve with lotus etc. etc. very long name) which I also absolutely love– maybe even more than this one. It also has the word “hydration” in it.
On my first use of this, I had SUPER dry skin– the worst to the point where even the moisturizer seemed to pare off on the sides of my face. The absolute worst. It has slowly improved with time whereas the Fresh Lotus one made a change in my skin in a SNAP. I genuinely noticed a difference wishing the first three days whereas with this moisturizer it has taken a few weeks.
It could also very much be due to the fact that I’ve been working my a** off that created a blurred line between noticing good skin and bad.
This winter has been no friend of my skin. So in that case I went on a hunt to find a good moisturizer, I have to tell you that this one is great–but I don’t believe it does the trick for me personally. In terms of favorite moisturizer for all eternity, I have yet to discover that.
I suggest it, but I suggest trying a sample before committing to it as I say with every product ever, yet still holds true. Or if you simply cannot wait but don’t have the budget, try the Fresh Youth preserve travel size for $17.
This Fresh Rose Deep Rehydration Face Cream is moisturizing, reduces redness, has cute and simple packaging, has a fresh scent, and feels like a dream.
It comes in a glass jar (be careful, don’t drop it) with a pink-copper-metallic lid that is chic yet inviting and looks damn good sat on top of a dresser.
If you want a great, quality phone case I highly suggest this one from Etsy. Not only because of the new “Beauty and the Beast” film (featuring Emma Watson) coming to theaters soon, but because it’s freaking gorgeous and everyone needs something to protect their phone. Why not use style?
The one I just received (my first ever purchase on Etsy by the way, not including the countless hours I’ve spent scrolling through it in the past) mirrors a stain glass red rose, on a blue background which seeps into black towards the bottom and around the edges of the case. When looking closely at it there are miniscopic sparkles scattered throughout making it look all the more beautiful too.
With a rating of four and a half stars and 117 reviews, their page is at least worth taking a look at.
Along with this phone case, there are plenty of other options from this seller alone. Even better? There is currently a 24 hour flash sale cutting the price from $19.95 to $11.05– amazing. I suggest running to your laptop or phone now.
Oh, and coolest thing of all– It’s shipped from FRANCE.
I’m sorry I’m so rubbish at talking. I wish I didn’t feel this empty hole as you are sat one row behind me. This is the epitome of embarrassing– an embarassment no one else can feel but the one experiencing it.
I wish I could rewind to my freshman year and stop myself from uttering words I didn’t mean. Words that had no ounce of truth–the one thing I understand Journalism to be based on.
You seem happy now– and I’ve never wanted to make you feel anything less, I hope I didn’t back on that day. You deserve every bit of success I know your going to achieve in the future. Now, you’re gone. You’ve just walked out of the door with your love, and you’re moving on to greater things.
I’m glad I got to know you for a speck of your time. Does your father still wear clogs? I’ve attempted to muster up the courage for the past month now– to say anything pertaining to the day that I regret most.
I let an old friend go, one I had pushed away with words for him I had not aimed. I wish you the best– I know you’ll find it. I wish you could read this– but I know you never thought to see it.
This face cream is amazing.
I bought mine at Sephora, but it can also be purchased at Nordstrom in the Michigan area or if you have one of those around you.
I was in the market for a new moisturizer as my old one I had bought twice before and wasn’t quite doing the job I needed it to anymore; decided to give this one by Fresh a go. It does smell of cucumbers, so if you’re not a fan of that sent I wouldn’t suggest picking it up.
I myself am not a fan of cucumber, but I love what the moisturizer makes my face look and feel like. I find it a win rather than a flop.
Pros and Cons:
Pros: Makes skin appear radiant and glowy ( I LOVE this), lightweight, anti-aging (I know you’re all most likely shouting at your screens now because I’m only 20, but I wanted to try it so shh please), Made in France (I put this here because one day I wish to live there), doesn’t fall out of the pot if turned upside down, comes in a jar so you don’t have to squeeze the product out of the tube.
Cons: Strong scent of cucumber (personal preference), No SPF, extra product around the rim of jar (can’t think of the technical term for it at the moment), an incredibly long name (I added this for kicks).
I hope you all enjoyed this little review!
P.S. Let me know what moisturizer you use, and if you have any recommendations do let me know!