Tag Archives: me

Dear October: Good Paths That Never Stop

I wish there was some kind of book or guide on being 21… but there isn’t.

That’s a GOOD thing.

Living up to normal standards all the time is exactly how new ones are never made.

Why should you do what everyone else is doing and not what you want to do?

Why should you worry your life away about not having money when there are a million ways to live happily without it?

I’m not going to say the regular, “compare your life to someone beneath you and you’ll find they are much happier” thing or the “rich people may seem like they have everything, but they don’t really because where’s the real love” that has probably been said 50 times.

But, what I will say is that there is NO rule book to being 21. There is NO rule book on LIFE, for that matter.

Everyone makes decisions which lead them on and on and on into the future…. there are people before you, and people after you.

The world doesn’t stop.

It never stops.

It turns, and turns, and turns, creating the happiest and most devastating moments in every single persons every day lives.

As dreadful of a day you’re having, it could be someones best.

As amazing as the day is, there will be some point where it will take a tubmle…

But does that mean you should dread the happiness you’re experiencing now, only to realize you’ll be hurt later?

NO.

Create the life you want, live the life you want, do what YOU want.

Do not sweat the small stuff, the past, the future, the side-eyes or back-talk.

Do what YOU want, what YOU love, what YOU know you are here for a reason to do.

You’re young, you’re 21, you have a whole blank canvas in front of you that you have the ability of morphing into whatever way you please.

You are meant to live one life, that is you’re own and no one else’s as much as you may wish you were living someone else’s or someone else wishes you were living theirs…

Every path you’ve ever been on has been a good path whether or not you’re still at the top of them.

There is no right way, there is no rule book, there are no guarantees in life, but there damn well is the decision to follow who YOU want to be and BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU WANT TO DO with your life.

You’re 21, you practically just started living.

Love,

Nat

Picture Travel

I want to travel. If you know me, you know this is something I’ve dreamt about since I was 12.

The reason I read so much as a kid was due to the fact of me being so immersed in another world, whether it was Paris, another state, or some fantasy land (like in The Hobbit).

Now that I’m 20, I’m trying my best to be able to do that soon.

But its hard, Living Is Expensive.

While its easy to think you understand at 15, once 20 hits, reality does too.

But, I think I’ve come up with a solution for me to be able to experience other worlds and not have to wait until I’m 30, or 60 to do so.

I’ve heard about travel points over the last couple of summers… I’ve heard that by opening some type of travel credit card and earning points, that its possible to save money on flights, food etc. simply by using it on the ground.

Now, I don’t know too much about these, and anything with the word “credit” makes me second-eye it… but from anyone who has actually traveled or used travel points and travel cards, please let me know how it started and what you’ve been able to do since opening the account.

The first place I want to go is somewhere not far from home, yet in another country about a day’s drive away.

This isn’t some kind of puzzling question, this is me trying to avoid telling you where I actually live. 🙂

Not sure if I’ll be driving, flying, what have you, but just in case I want to try and prepare for it.

With these travel points, people are able to build them up in a year and fly off to London for instance…

I can’t express to you how badly I want to be that person.

So, with that said, please let me know you’re experiences / favorite places to open one with.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

Love,

Nat

 Sparks A Piece Of History

I’m always making notes. Ever since I was able to hold a pen, I’ve been making notes, songs, writing down ideas. 
I can’t tell you how much data I’ve used up by writing notes on my phone ( and two others from before) along with my iPad (rip) and computer.
I wish there was a way for me to find all of them. Although there isn’t, there’s at least my old e-mail which hold quite a few. 
One day I’ll go through them, maybe share a few… but for now I just want to talk about how much I love writing. 
Not only do I focus better, remember tasks I’d otherwise forget, and come up with creative ideas that I put few to use, but it helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something. 
I started out with a pen and paper, even now I do still prefer a pen and paper… but, those ideas that come on around 2 am or so (the most creative I think), or the ideas that come to thought in a dream, are written in my phone. 
No matter how you look at it, you’ll see I always write and I most likely date the paper too. 
There’s something I find really cool about going to back to things I wrote or drew back in 2013, for instance, because it sparks memory and it sparks a piece of history from my life. 
It does for everyone when they discover something they thought they lost. 
The way we write tells a story too; why do we curve the g’s and y’s? 
Why do we write in cursive or print?
Why do we have sloppy handwriting sometimes and clean as pledge the next? 
There are more unique things about ourselves than what we thought…
Even when it comes to something as “simple” as writing. 
Thanks for reading. 🔥
Love, 

          Nat 💖

I Have A Choice

Get this.

I’m wearing this eyeshadow, I’m wearing this full face of makeup, or at least what *I* consider a full face of makeup— for Myself.

I’m not wearing it because social media told me to.

I have a choice.

I have an option of whether or not I want to wear makeup.

Everyone seems to try to pinpoint what is “right” and what is “wrong” all the time, or they try to keep on everyone’s side to seem like they aren’t bias.

Now let me tell you, I care, I do. I care a lot about everyone I meet, what people think of me (semi-sometimes) because everyone feels this way, it’s just natural to care.

Everyone questions “am I good enough, is this winged liner even, do I even feel like wearing foundation today… no, but I’m going to wear it anyways because there’s this cute guy in my class and in order for me to work up the courage to even look at him I have to look inside my soul, find this confidence that’s buried somewhere, and LET IT FREE by wearing whatever make-up makes me feel damn GOOD on this day.”

Yes, that sentence was completely bombastic and slightly unnecessary.

But the key thing to remember out of what I just said is confidence.

Everyone has it, it’s fueled by different things. Me for instance, I do better at life in general when I feel like myself, when I feel good, whether that’s with make-up or without.

There used to be a time where I wore make-up because I felt like I had to. I felt naked without it, or I felt just completely not myself.

And sometimes I still do feel that way, but I’ve noticed the caring on that level has SUNK, let me tell you.

I went out in public, with no makeup, hadn’t washed my hair, I looked like I was going through a crisis slightly, because I kinda sort of was, and I took a smoothie to this guy that sort of liked me but I wanted to be clear we were just friends and I thought he was sweet.

SoooooOoOoooOOOOOO I went back in the house and immediately was asked “what, you went out like that?” and I said “yes, who cares? If he likes me anyways then he needs to see the real me, and accept me, right?”

*laughs at self *

…………………………………

ohhh my goddd

And then the other person just looked at me and smiled probably internally screaming “what happened to you?!?!?!”

But seriously, I’m sitting here telling you that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to feel good about yourself.

You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup; you don’t even have to wear any make-up.

And yes I know there are girls that exist who do both proudly and props to you, I am that person too—sometimes.

But the truth is, I just love makeup. And, I also just love rubbing my eyes.

Everyone stresses about being liked but it’s all about doing whatever you like— that will help you achieve this happiness and validation you’re searching for.

And if you’re really looking for likes, you need to be yourself. An original, not a copy of a neighbor or celebrity; you’ll be surprised how many positive responses you get when you yourself feel good about what you’re doing, wearing, and putting out into the world.

*P.S. I sort of want to film a video on this, do you have any thoughts on it? Am I missing anything or do you sort of relate to me at all? I’d love to hear. 🙂

Love,

Nat

Know You’re Faults

It’s important to know you’re faults. Your own faults.

Not everything is everyone else’s fault.

Here are some of mine:

  1. I am shy- very painstakingly shy.
  2. I talk a lot or sometimes not at all when I get nervous.
  3. I’m an introvert, I like to be left alone- not be alone (as Audrey Hepburn says). That’s a little hard when it comes to being surrounded by a bunch of extroverts in my family with opinions. Then again, what’s a family without opinions on every thing you do?
  4. I want to travel- so so so so badly. But, I can’t save a penny for my life. I do spend on myself sometimes but I also love to buy things for other people and disregard the fact that it will jack up my bank account.
  5. I jumble words (this is something I found out more recently).
  6. I have weird feet. There, I said it: I don’t like my feet. That’s not so much of a fault as it is a criticism of my own appearance.
  7. I can get jealous.
  8. But I also really don’t care at the same time because I believe the sayings “everything happens for a reason” and “if it’s meant to be it will be.”

 

Good things:

  1. I’m compassionate. I’ve always gone above and beyond when it comes to empathy and if I so much as hear a sad snippet of someone’s story whether fiction or non-fiction I will most likely tear up. I think this is more a good thing than bad because it shows I’m human.
  2. I have moments where I’m fearless and throw all caution to the wind whether it comes to an interview, trying something new, or simply talking to someone I haven’t before. These are my favorite.
  3. I’m quiet. This means I listen to people.
  4. I want to travel- what kind of world would it be if I couldn’t read and travel through books at least?
  5. I’m a hard worker. I always have been (the main thing I focus on is details), I don’t know any other way. And if something were to not be perfect, I’ll either try a different way or accept it and move on.
  6. I’m Care free. I’m care-free but not to the point where I give zero damns about anything.
  7. I have a fast metabolism and like chocolate a lot so it sort of balances out lol.
  8. I own up to anything wrong or misleading I’ve done (or sometimes paranoidly think I do).

*IMPORTANT: If you make a mistake or hurt someones feelings, please own up to it as soon as possible or try to fix in some way. There’s a lot more respect, and less regrets if you do so.*

What are some of your faults / good qualities?

All for Galifornia

Ever since I randomly stumbled upon the new blush by Benefit on an Australian website,”Galifornia” has been on the top of my list- because I knew it was one that I’d fall head over heels for. Galifornia is the absolute reason I splurged a bit today…

I went to Ulta, and I went to a corner store afterwards (mainly to pick up some mucinex for my mom who has a cold; keep away from sneezers people it’s cold / allergy season).

IMG_8984

IMG_8982

And yes, I did take these photos outside. 🙂 The best lighting is there, and today was a nice day anyway’s so psh if you judge me.

Onto the things at Ulta:

1. Soap and Glory ‘Clean on Me” shower gel.

2. Soap and Glory Super cat liquid liner pen (which slightly terrifies me, but less than the super cat fat liquid liner unless I was going for a thick liner look which I rarely do) in “jet black”. Still a hard-core dollywink eyeliner fan. 😉

3. Benefit Cosmetics “Galifornia” Blush. Fun spin on California, which I’m hoping / wishing to go to in June for VidCon. I’ve read some reviews on it that mention the golden overlay disappearing after 5 swipes and while that’s most likely true, I still felt the need to buy it. It looks like summer, it smells like summer, it simply reminds me of summer. Plus, Coralista my all time favorite blush ever to exist which always comes from Benefit reminds me a bit of this by glancing at it. Not entirely sure if it will resemble it all but either way I have a gut feeling I’m going to love it. ^_^

Onto the things at the corner store:

  1. Herbal Essences Body Envy shampoo
  2. Herbal Essences Body Envy Conditioner
  3. Revlon Eyelash Curler (my old one was soooo overused that I threw it out a month ago and haven’t used one since)
  4. Curad Bandaids just because I’ve always wanted to try these and what better a time to buy some when someone needs one and there are none in the house.

That is the mini look into what I bought today!

Hope you enjoyed reading, do you know of anything I should keep my eye out for make-up wise, hair wise, book wise, or all sorts of wise?

Love,

Nat 💖

 

 

We Need to Chat about My Future

I am at a loss for words as I sit in the lobby of a building typing this, something that is out of my comfort zone a bit, because I’m not in the comfort of my room let alone in my hometown.

I used to think the dream was to be away from my hometown, to be off on adventures no matter whether it was a hike through some woods, a walk around a city, or on a plane (has happened few times for me) going somewhere entirely different.

I crave adventure.

I want new experiences.

And I want good memories to overshadow my awkward self that I love– but to a degree.

I used to believe I would be stuck forever in my room a shy, self-conscious (during my early teenage years) yet confident person with a desperate need to explore new opportunities and environments. Falling victim to having aspirations and hope, yet eventually with time, no matter how hard I worked or believed, fearing failure.

There is no failing.

Oprah Winfrey didn’t fail as she began her life as a talk show host, producer, actress etc. after being fired at 23 from her first reporting job.

Tina Fey didn’t fail, now a comedian and actress worked at the YMCA age 23.

Stephen King, an iconic author didn’t fail as he lived in a trailer and worked as a janitor age 24.

J.K. Rowling, (another iconic author) of the Harry Potter Series was practically homeless at the age of 28.

Vera Wang, a fashion designer known around the world didn’t design her first dress until age 40.

The late Julia child,  a chef you may have noticed, inspired the movie Julie and Julia and didn’t release her first cook book until age 49.

The late Alan Rickman, was not a widely known actor until age 42 when he landed his first role after deciding to stop pursuing graphic design.

And so on and so on…

So if someone tells me I need to give up and that I’ll never amount to anything– even if that person is me at times– I remind myself of these amazing people who got their start in the middle, and many with struggles.

Everything takes time, the issue is that my time is up on making a decision in regards to college decisions.

Choosing a major, choosing an area of focus, deciding where I’ll live next year and who the hell with, let alone whether or not I want to pursue my dream of traveling despite the realization that I actually like comfort… is mind boggling.

Yes, in a sense that comfort has been ripped away over the last few days, but whose to say it hasn’t been slowly building up over the course of a year.

Also known as, the mid-college crisis.

I know it will get better, but it is incredibly frustrating to remember this as I’m being stretched thin by my own unstable comprehension.

I know I can get through these decisions everyone says not to worry about, but the time is now and plain as day that I can either try for my dream and fail a few times in the process, or I can give up all together and settle.

I’m not one for settling, I’m one for finding an alternate way around a situation so that I can make the most out of what I’ve been given to work with.

Life can be crazy, challenging, and exhausting  but to write our own story we all have to go along with the ride and hope we end up somewhere amazing.

I Look Up To You

I get a call asking me where I am, why I haven’t shown up for work.

I am home.

I am happy.

I am in my car, with my mom, going to pick up my sister from work, and no stress whatsoever.

I’ve just watched “A dog’s purpose.”

Not the best emotional state, but definitely not putting up with these so called “responsibilities” I was never notified about to begin with.

Especially considering I was under the impression I was terminated from my job.

The job that I work 100 percent at every single day, the job that I get truck done (shipments sent to the store weekly) 70% faster than everyone else, the job where I give everyone smiles and respect unless a bad vibe is inevitably present. The job where I take a photo of the schedule every single time I am there, yet due to not being present for a while was unable to do so and was told she would be called if needed and that it was “nothing personal,” although we both know it was.

Even then, I still smile sometimes in hopes of the small chance they’ll smile back.

Offended doesn’t even begin to explain my feelings as I speak to my coworkers, people who used to love me, people I used to talk to and laugh with, who now look at me with a hint of disdain.

Or at least, that’s how it feels.

Not even a goodbye back as I head out the door.

What happened?

I question it all, as I continue the job I’m supposed to do.

One day a week due to school swarming me, I was unable to do what I could the year before and during the summer which was 3 or 4 days during the year, and almost every day during the summer.

The first day feeling of spring in the air, with 60 degree weather and not a cloud in the sky– has turned to rain in my mind.

Due to something so unbelievably stupid.

I’ve seen many people come and go through my almost two years at this establishment, but it didn’t occur to me that maybe some were pushed out.

Or voluntarily left, because it became much more difficult under the thumb of new store management.

It got complicated– we all have lives, but don’t we all have sympathy as well?

I am not lazy. I have bad days.

I am not a slacker, I try to balance everything at once.

I am not a slow learner, I learn quickly but due to lack of sleep not as comprehensive at times–few times for that matter.

I am not a person who takes malarkey that’s thrown my way. If I know you are lying–

I will call you out.

Boss or not.

If you know me, you know that I care.

You know that I have a shy nature with glimpses of an outgoing presence. 

This gives the impression of being a snob or conceited at times, but it is far from reality.

There are times when I’m way too sorry, when I’m way too lenient, when I’m way too nice– but do not mistake that for weakness.

You never want to mistake kindness for weakness.

But when something does ding ones heart a little too bad, water will flow from my eyes like a waterfall, especially when deceived regardless of whether or not I knew I was being treated like putty.

I am stronger than this.

I am worth more than this.

I can do better than this.

Someone came in today who used to work with me– she is doing much better, and let me tell you she was not in her best form before starting this new job. She is happier, she is smiling, she looks damn good, she ain’t lost it (had to reference Beyoncé’s song).

I don’t intend to lose it either.

I haven’t yet, why the hell would I now?

I want to see the world and I will not get the thought of a chance, if I continue with where I am now.

I deserve better, just as my coworkers deserve better– they are all amazing people.

From the one who looks like she’s in college yet in reality has been married forever with a teenage son, isn’t a huge fan of tampa, and has gave me the mystery machine hot wheels car before someone else grabbed it, you are one that I look up to, and slightly idolize.

From the one who also looks like she’s in college, and drinks her coffee like a Gilmore to have time to spend with her 3 year old daughter and play video games, one that I look up to.

From the one who I didn’t meet until last year, he gave me a free mascara that ended up being top-notch by the way, if he ever reads this. He is the life of the party, and one that I look up to.

From the one who is never not sarcastic, and knocks people over for fun (not in a bad way)–literally. The one that helped me out when he could, which was really nice, maybe I was too dependent at times. One that I look up to.

From the one who I only ever say “hello” to when I walk through the door but works in a different section of the store and is always complimented by the elderly who can’t remember his name, I look up to you.

From the one who was terminated or quit, that came back then left again, I hope you and your fiancé (or now husband) are doing well, I look up to you, even if you’re only a few years older.

From the one who never failed to put a smile on my face that gave me a near heart attack when mentioning a stomach issue– I’m glad you’re feeling better. I look up to you.

From the one who is chatty, and makes everyone chatty too even if they’ve had a blue day, you are gorgeous, funny, and remind me of a friend.

From the one who liked early mornings would talk politics and english with me– you are so flawless and sometimes it seems like you don’t even know it. Never ever let someone make you feel inferior because you are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my life.

From the one who wore flowers in her hair, you are so kind and cheery, you are one that I look up to.

From the one I din’t see too often but reminded me of Ryan Gosling, you’re pretty cool, just keep being you, I look up to you.

From the new guy who always seems a bit bland, I’m sure you are super funny, and your also a hard worker, I look up to you.

From the one I met one day that I never got to know because you work in a different section, you are amazing and it’s a shame we never knew each other better because I think we’d have been good friends, I look up to you.

From the one who walked home with me a few times  (even though you have a skateboard which is freaking amazing) that I told about Safe Trek, you seem really awesome, I look up to you.

From the guy who’s my age that got married, I have no clue what happened to you but I hope you are well and still swimming no matter the outcome of one event, you are one that I look up to.

From the one who was gone unexpectedly as I returned for the school year, I hope you love your new job and still carry all the wisdom you gave me. Btw, the blonde wig looked nice on you, you are one that I look up to.

From the one who disappeared, but seemed to have a bit of trouble in the beginning- I am SO glad you are doing better. You deserve it– your sister isn’t the only one who is climbing mountains, you are one that I look up to. ❤

From previous management that was there when I started, I hope you are safe, happy, not weighed down by your dad who seems to be too much at times (at least from what I’ve witnessed), and enjoying sun somewhere, even if it isn’t Florida. It was always smiles from every single worker when you were there. You are a natural leader, I look up to you. 

To the new girls who started this fall, you’re all hard workers and seem to be really sweet.

However, the new store management and jerks who don’t believe in my power to bounce back, can kiss it.

Love,

Nat

 

Fresh Rose Review

This has grown on me.

It started out with me being ecstatic to use it because it smells like roses (one of my favorite things / scents) and then turned into me questioning it.

Yes, I read reviews before buying it (it is about $40), and yes I also googled photos and some information before as well.

I’m not the type to just blow $40, I mean unless I was given $500 or something, which has yet to happen to me at random.

What drew me to it was that Fresh (a company originated in Italy) made it, the one that also makes the one that smells like cucumbers (Youth preserve with lotus etc. etc. very long name) which I also absolutely love– maybe even more than this one. It also has the word “hydration” in it.

On my first use of this, I had SUPER dry skin– the worst to the point where even the moisturizer seemed to pare off on the sides of my face. The absolute worst. It has slowly improved with time whereas the Fresh Lotus one made a change in my skin in a SNAP. I genuinely noticed a difference wishing the first three days whereas with this moisturizer it has taken a few weeks.

It could also very much be due to the fact that I’ve been working my a** off that created a blurred line between noticing good skin and bad.

This winter has been no friend of my skin. So in that case I went on a hunt to find a good moisturizer, I have to tell you that this one is great–but I don’t believe it does the trick for me personally. In terms of favorite moisturizer for all eternity, I have yet to discover that.

I suggest it, but I suggest trying a sample before committing to it as I say with every product ever, yet still holds true. Or if you simply cannot wait but don’t have the budget, try the Fresh Youth preserve travel size for $17.

This Fresh Rose Deep Rehydration Face Cream is moisturizing, reduces redness, has cute and simple packaging, has a fresh scent, and feels like a dream.

It comes in a glass jar (be careful, don’t drop it) with a pink-copper-metallic lid that is chic yet inviting and looks damn good sat on top of a dresser.

❤ Nat