Tag Archives: Love

I Would Really Like To Know

Look, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I’ve been popping around even though it’s not even once a year. I come because I need things, not because I have to see you.

I never dated in high school because I was always afraid that whoever I did date would stalk me, or just never let this idea of being with me go. I know that sounds silly, but these are serious fears I had. Or should I say have.

The truth of the matter is that you were the only guy that ever really made me feel safe. You were the only one who made me laugh, the only one who made me smile, the only one who gave me this warm fuzzy feeling inside when I fell so unbelievably low as the leaves fell with me.

At 16, everything was still new to me, as it is for every 16 year old. But there’s something I always knew, that I may never find the feeling I felt when I was with you.

I’m not coming around to spark something that could’ve happened years ago.

No, I literally just need to buy things.

I am sat here overthinking because today I was faced with the feeling of being unsafe.

I thought I saw someone I used to know at my bus stop.

I told myself it wasn’t who I thought, that it wasn’t what I thought…

And then I saw him again later on in the night.

He was alone, still wearing the same clothes, the same sweater I had seen at the bus stop earlier in the day, the same sweater I had my face buried in over a year ago as he hugged me and dammit the tears forming in my eyes can’t put into words how it feels to feel unsafe.

And then I saw you last weekend.

You told me to come back and see you, you looked down with a flushed face as I tried to read the signs on if you really did want me to see you again or if it was pure sarcasm.

I thought that if you really wanted to see me, then you would. If you really wanted to speak to me, then you would. If you really wanted me to be yours, I would have been already.

I got the feeling in the pit of my stomach, the warm and fuzzy feeling I haven’t truly felt since I met your eyes across a room as 16 years old-you told your jokes-and I laughed at everything… even the really bad ones.

But tonight I’m sat feeling sort of lonely, yes. But, I’m also scared. I don’t want any ghosts from my past, I’ve NEVER been one to revisit those unless on my own.

I’m thinking about you now because you always made me feel safe.

It’s all very stupid I know, and you may think I’m crazy, I know, and hell you even said “come back and see me” but is that out of love or is that out of pity.

I would really like to know.

Advertisements

Period Pain Plan 

Bet you can’t say the title ten times fast… 🙂

Period plan:
1. Wake up whenever you want (unless you’re working, then get yourself some Advil asap)

2. Get to the couch stat

3. Shout for your sister to grab you the clicker, then proceed to ask for water

4. Avoid all cute things, unless you’re completely alone and in the mood to cry happy / lonely / funny tears

5. Listen to some music, whatever your favorite is to boost your mood.

6. Watch a funny movie instead of a rom com, and especially don’t watch a horror movie, why would you do that to yourself

7. Once you have any energy at all take a nap, then after you’ve regained consciousness go for a little walk.

*As odd as the walk sounds, it will help with cramps believe it or not*

8. Make some kind of list whether it’s for groceries or to buy yourself something after surviving the first day of period so far– you freaking deserve it.

9. Read a book if TV, your phone, and social media are just too much for you right now.

10. Put your hand on your stomach to calm it down. Don’t know why this works, but it does; don’t question the magic.

Love,
Nat đź’–

Not Yours 

** I wrote this back in November. I’m sharing it now because I’m going through old notes, and am finding a lot of poems, writings, pieces, whatever you want to call them.🌸All I want to add is that a whole lot can change in just one year.🎬** 

It’s been next to five months and I can still feel his lips on mine.

 I can feel his arms wrapped around my waist as he pulls me in for a hug. I always loved those. 

I can sense his eyes as my own follow a page of a book. 

I can hear his heart as it asks to be mine, but I refuse to take it. 

And now I understand why he ran when I finally came to the decision to express that I loved him. 

He couldn’t handle me. 

Back and forth I went, in fact I made a bet with myself on when he would get sick of me. Purely because, I wanted him too. 

I forced my way out of his heart in order to protect my own.

 But what I would come to find is that when I felt the time was right, he would vanish because something pretty and new had walked by. 

 And it was no surprise to me that I couldn’t keep his eye. 

But what would provoke me to believe I was at a loss when he had given up something he couldn’t see, something he defied in every sense of beauty, someone who claimed she was the queen. 

Oh dear heart, if only you knew. 

It was his choice, not yours, to let go of you. 

It doesn’t get to you 

It doesn’t get to you until you step inside the doorway.
It doesn’t get to you until you hear ” I feel the baby kick.” 
And you’re immediate reaction is to place you’re hand on her stomach. 
It doesn’t get to you until the hour long drive back home that feels like a breeze,
But over time grows more and more distant.
It doesn’t get to you until empty spaces are filled with friends of family.
It doesn’t get to you until you look at the backyard and remember looking up instead of down
It doesn’t get to you until you drive down the road you learned to ride you’re bike on.
You’re first wheels. 
It doesn’t get to you until a tiny hand is placed in the palm of yours and you realize, this is the most precious thing. 
It doesn’t get to you until tears well up in you’re eyes and everything stops briefly.
While you’re hand is on her stomach,
And you can envision the life ahead. 
It doesn’t get to you until then. 
It doesn’t even phase you. 
*** Note: I literally just wrote this out of nowhere thinking of earlier today. Hope you don’t mind me sharing it. I hope you all have a good day too. *** 

Love,

           Nat đź’–

Garnier Girl Now?

This is the garnier whole blends shampoo in “honey treasures.”

It is specified as a repairing shampoo which intends to help with split ends and damage (very much needed for me). It smells like magic, and the cap is adorable and pretty secure despite the leave imprint on it causing it to be slightly nerve wracking if traveling with it. Yet, it’s cute and fits with the natural theme of the line like a gem.

I’m not a major fan of Garnier, it is one of those drugstore brands I haven’t been able to get behind because of past experiences with the brand making my hair appear greasy or breaking out my face. 

BUT, I am in love with this shampoo. I have been eying it for a month or so now, the entire wall which is a sea of different scents with different aspirations for people’s hair– and I decided to dive in too. 


It was between the “honey treasures” and the “mythic olive” one because I found the scents most appealing. 

I have used the “coconut oil and cocoa butter” leave-in-conditioner back in the summer, which smells AMAZING. 

It smells so so good, and I’m going to give credit to my cousin for discovering it. 

The garnier hair care line ranges from $3.47 – $6.29 in price, which is a pretty rad deal when it comes to shampoos. 

My other drugstore favorite would be the Pantene volume range although some have noted it isn’t the best for hair because the shampoo etc. causes buildup eventually thus creating volume, etc. But, my hair always came out looking bomb. 

I decided to step out of my comfort zone (entirely) and try out this garnier whole blends shampoo, I am so not disappointed. 

I plan on trying the olive (woo I’m actually so excited) one too. 

Don’t Fall Too Soon

On the fence of intimidated and comfortable when around him, that is what I felt.

He is the type that says a million things without saying a word, encouraging without drowning your ears with the same old line.

Someone who provides all the happiness in the world, and little confusion.

It’s strange meeting someone like him, someone that understands and listens while you blabber on about your hometown. Then by some twist of fate he happens to know exactly what you’re talking about, because he resides there too.

Yet somehow you’ve never met, but feel as if you’ve known this person you’re whole life.

It’s strange how this works, and even stranger when you see he provides the same for multiple other girls, yet for whatever astounding reason, it still seems independent with you.

He’s not a bad guy, just a good guy with bad intention.

It’s fun to know a good guy, it’s nice to know they exist. But don’t fall too soon for them, for when the time comes it’ll be gone quick.

 

 

LET’S TAlK FIFTY SHADES OF GENIUS

Okay, so it’s currently 12:30 AM.

The video came out at 12:00 AM EST time.

I WAS PREPARED IF YOU COULDN’T TELL.

This due to the fact that I haven’t heard new music from Taylor Swift in ages and it was DUE with everything that’s happened in my life lately, this song hits pretty close to home.

Now, I want to talk about the video because I have a theory. I’m not sure what the director meant to do with the changing colors, but I have an idea, hear me out.

So you know that song “red” Taylor Swift wrote for her album “Red” back in 2012 right? Okay, well the album is heart-cuttingly beautiful in the sense that it grabs your soul by the suspenders and feels as if Taylor Swift has just thrown her heart out on the line, and taken all of ours with it.

The song RED has the line:

“Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red”

I believe red stands for passion or love.

Green stands for jealousy, although not mentioned in Swift’s song “red,” but has been mentioned on a tour where she describes the color green as jealousy which people tend to do anyhow.

And blue stands for sad and upsetting emotions where you know you need to let go but can’t bring yourself to.

 

 

Now, in the video it begins with Zayn coming out of a fancy car in the rain as press jump up his ass to get a photo(figure of speech), and it’s simply him walking through a building facing the casual things (such as photography ninjas) artists sadly face these days.

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-09-40-am

 

As he strolls into the elevator the green begins to change to red as he sings the line “I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home” in Swift’s direction as the camera turns toward towards her and red filters between them before it turns to green right as Swift’s line begins.

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-10-05-amscreen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-10-43-am

“I’m sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind,” and changes to red as
“Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life,” is sung–  “oh” the last word being green before becoming a regular camera setting with no mood lighting involved as Swift reflect’s on the nights she’s stayed up restless.

 

*Entering the room of Zayn is Swift ooo here we go*

Screen Shot 2017-01-27 at 1.08.36 AM.png

Red comes in flashes now as she sings certain words that suggest certain things. If you know what I MEAN. Although it could potentially be nothing like that, but considering it’s a song written for a fifty shade of grey movie…

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-13-04-am

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-1-30-56-amscreen-shot-2017-01-27-at-1-31-26-am

She pours wine and picks petals off of white roses (a symbol for true love, not red which I thought was the other way around).

“Until you come back home” is sung by Zayn and now the blue appears right before Swift’s line “I’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places”

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-12-02-am

They then proceed to reflect on their relationship, Zayn looks to be holding a letter or photographs which he end up tossing across the room while Swift has her moment in the bathroom taring at herself in the mirror most likely thinking “girl what are you doing.”

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-1-05-25-am

 

Screen Shot 2017-01-27 at 1.11.17 AM.png

“What is happening to me”is when the blue comes into play again, in flashes along with red for less time.

screen-shot-2017-01-27-at-12-12-18-am

Zayn is then seen sitting in that sort of crouched position where shit has hit the fan and you feel like crying but you can’t cry sort of vibe as the light flashes blue.

The real kicker is as they sing the line “I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home” repeatedly, light flashing red, normal coloring, and blue. They are turned away from each other in every scene with blue and red suggesting they can’t deal with the emotions which are going haywire.

 

 

At the very end, the lights are still flashing red and blue whilst instead of turned away, they are looking right at each other.

 

 

 

The 3 Best Makeup Removers

IMG_8475.jpgFrom left to right: No. 7 Beautiful skin wipes, Simple Micellar water, LancĂ´me Bi-facial Double Action eye makeup remover

 

  1. The No. 7 Beautiful skin wipes I discovered in Ulta over the summer, they are made in the U.K. (at the time Ulta was incorporating more U.K. brands into the mix so I jumped on the bandwagon, of course) and these were one of the first things on my list.

They are hydrating, a stretchier, covered material rather than     dry and harsh on this skin. They remove makeup in a swipe and leave zero breakouts.

2.  The Simple Micellar water is one of the first products I ever tried from the brand, and still the reigning champ of the brand in my eyes. I first used it in 2014 (during the summer, once again) and instantly fell in love. Didn’t break me out, can be used without water, and gets off makeup whether using a cotton pad or my hands.

3. The LancĂ´me Bi-Facial Double Action eye makeup remover is my tried and true, old and blue favorite. I began using it when I was 12, whenever I wore the odd bit of brown eyeliner in middle school– yes, you heard that right. Not even consistent, but random days I decided to line my bottom lashes and not even think to add mascara.

It gives an oily consistencey– I would suggest shaking it up to mix the ingredients. It also provides very little effort in removing makeup, the littlest bit will clean my entire eye, that is with mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, eyebrows, highlight, foundation, etc. A little goes a long way, it can be used on more than just the eye are of the face, it smells amazing and clean, your face will feel like a baby’s bum after using it. It’s flipping amazing.

 

If you have tried any of these products, please let me know what you think of them, I love them and all opinions are my own and nothing has been sponsored (just in case I get a doubter) or embellished. I freaking love all of these, they have reserved spots in my heart forever.

Thanks for reading! ^_^

Love,

Nat ❤

Sephora addiction at its finest 

As you all know by now, I love Sephora. I LOVE Sephora. 

Recently I found myself completely out of face moisturizer and concealer especially (those dark circles of mine will overtake me if I give them the power) so I decided to order some. 

Maybe you like these products yourself, or maybe you wanted to see what the look like in real life, either way let me know what you love from Sephora! 🤣
đź’– Nat

An original song 

đź’– Hi, I have next to 50 or so songs I’ve written in the last few weeks, and this is one that is very much in need of tuning, or an instrument, etc. but constructive criticism is appreciated. I mainly am putting this out into the world to get this off my chest, thanks for reading if you do.đź’–
 Is this a jokeEverything that I wrote 

The words we left unsaid 

Dancing around in my head 
Maybe you weren’t a cheat 

Maybe you weren’t a creep 

Or maybe I’m denying the truth 

Because I still have feelings for you 
And OH 

THIS IS ALL TERRIBLY WRONG 

and OH 

This is not what was meant to be our song 
We never did figure that out…
And OH 

THIS IS ALL TERRIBLY WRONG 

and OH 

This is not what was meant to be our song 
But I’m going to sing it 

I’m still unsure of what to say 

After 6 months you’d gone away 

After finding you with her 

After knowing the worst wasn’t the worst 
And OH 

THIS IS ALL TERRIBLY WRONG 

and OH 

This is not what was meant to be our song 
But I guess this is how we have to end 

How dare you ask we be friends after all the time you left, after how you left, after why you left, after the nights I spent alone wondering why you hadn’t come home… 
And to find out the truth was best of all 

To find out it was her, made me feel small 

But to know that I was finally free

Gave me back a sense of reality 
And OH 

THIS WAS ALL TERRIBLY WRONG 

and OH 

That is not what was meant to be my song