Tag Archives: Thoughts

Natural Nerd 

Yes, It’s true. I’m a nerd. I’m as nerdy as they get. 

I was a nerd before I even realized people thought I was… wait. That doesn’t make any sense. 

I am a nerd, and I’ve been told this. Sometimes by people teasing me, time’s I’d like to think were because they thought I was cute but then I look back at my actual little self and think “no, you’re just a nerd and were never aware of How Much.”

And there’s been a couple times where people have mentioned it but not in a kind way… I push those to the back of my thought vault. 

It didn’t bother me until I kept hearing it, and hearing it, and hearing it, and hearing it. 
But then I saw this quote that says “I may be a nerd, but one day I’’ll be your boss.” And I thought: Yeah, that fits. 

💖 Things I’m definitely Geeky about:

Taylor Swift 

Doctor Who 

Star Wars (Since about 2015 where I went to see Star Wars with a guy I was dating) 

YouTuber

“Old-school” video games like Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Sims, Nintendogs if you consider those old school. 

Ellen

EXO the Kpop group

Anime, really cute anime stories. 

Books. Yes, Books. I LOVE Books. When I was 12 I would read a book a day.

💖Things that qualify me for nerd status: 

<3I have written a fan fiction. One. Single. Not plural. 
I have crushed on a guy that doesn’t know I exist 
Guys in suspenders are cute to me, weird thing to mention but I kinda associate suspenders with either old school dressing or nerds… and If a guy wears those with a Bowtie… hell yes, sign me up
Gym in school was my own personal HELL. 

Very Rarely can I pull off looking cool. But when I do, I’m on it. 

Sometimes I’d carry this mini dictionary with me to class, one day I couldn’t find it so I took the big one instead, which is still huge to me now to this day. 

Lar– actually no, I’ve never Larped. Or cosplayed. But cosplaying would be fun. *raises eyebrow* 

Guess who loves cartoons and still watches them? This girl *points to self with thumbs*

And lastly, I’m a goof. Why? Because it’s fun. 
And I love laughing and making other people laugh ☺️
I’m just rather quiet sometimes when around people I don’t know or slightly know. 

Are you nerdy? If yes, lemme know because I need more of you in my life 🤓 

Love,

Nat 💜

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Change In Criticism

“Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat? Do they think I’m dumb? Am I good/clever/cool enough (partially worded from some WikiHow thing I read)?”

STOP IT.

These thoughts are SO ANNOYING. If I had a dollar for every time I thought these when surrounded by a group of people who even so slightly intimidate me, I’d be able to get at least some aspects of my life together.

It’s the feeling of needing to change yourself to “fit in” with whoever it is your speaking to at the moment, or whoever it is your meeting for the first time, or whoever it is you feel this annoying need to be your “best self” (or what you feel people with be most accepting of) for.

It’s a loss, really.

There is NO being yourself all the time, forever.

There are different faces, and different versions of oneself for every situation.

The idea that everyone has a mold to fit into, or a role to play, is also infuriating.

The only piece of advice that seems to make sense is “be yourself,” but that doesn’t mean pick who you want to be and be that person all the time until the day you die.

It means, do what you want, say what you want, wear what you want, see who you want, because You want to, and You feel it is a necessary step in creating a life you feel most happy and yourself in.

If people didn’t change, if they always remained the same, if there was never even a change of simple eyeshadow for instance over the last 4 years, that would be boring. That would insinuate your always the same person.

But if You like that, if you say it’s what you enjoy on your face and you don’t want to change it because your happy with it… that would be a different story.

Because you’re doing what You want and sticking with what You love– not what someone expects.

There are people who like change, and are very open to it– and then there are people who aren’t a fan.

As we age, changes are made in our facial modes, the clothes we wear, the social aspects of our lives and so on… you mean to tell me nothing about you has changed? What about on the inside?

No one is inept to change, we’re all pretty used to it.

My Thoughts on Period Dramas

Why am I so in love with a world I’ve never known?

A world which was just introduced to me five years ago, has now become another feeling of home.

Though through fiction and film feels real nonetheless as the characters portray who I’ve come to love best; I still sit here and question why I cling to what I know best.

I connect with these characters in such a way that I have no clue of how to explain… the residing feeling of a world I might’ve known if I had simply taken a chance long ago.

Taken a chance on a story that could’ve also been my own, and not just read in a period drama from over 200 years old.

Maybe there’s still a chance, although it’s grown a bit old.

aghhhhh

 

Cake Is Not A Crime

Yes, I’m going to eat the cake even though I may regret it later.

Why you ask?

Oh, just because today I asked myself why I should deprive myself of sweets and I couldn’t come up with much of an answer besides not wanting to make snacking a massive habit.

When did it all become about numbers; how many pieces of cake, how many slices of pizza, how pieces out of the massive box of goldfish I bought at Target…

As long as I know what I’m doing, I don’t hold myself to absurd standards like exercising every single day for two hours (not that I’m the person to ask about working out) or eating ONLY organic food and little sugar or calories-what have you- I’ll be alright.

I eat for myself.

I eat for the pure happiness of it, and I eat when I’m hungry, not when I’m bored.

Okay, that’s a bold lie, sometimes when I’m bored and its just been one of those days with endless movies, then yes I will without a doubt.

But other than that I try to balance the healthy foods with the not so healthy foods… it’s really all anyone can do.

So I say, eat the cake. Life’s too short. Worry about the silly things later.

Love,

Nat ❤

 

 

Period Pain Plan 

Bet you can’t say the title ten times fast… 🙂

Period plan:
1. Wake up whenever you want (unless you’re working, then get yourself some Advil asap)

2. Get to the couch stat

3. Shout for your sister to grab you the clicker, then proceed to ask for water

4. Avoid all cute things, unless you’re completely alone and in the mood to cry happy / lonely / funny tears

5. Listen to some music, whatever your favorite is to boost your mood.

6. Watch a funny movie instead of a rom com, and especially don’t watch a horror movie, why would you do that to yourself

7. Once you have any energy at all take a nap, then after you’ve regained consciousness go for a little walk.

*As odd as the walk sounds, it will help with cramps believe it or not*

8. Make some kind of list whether it’s for groceries or to buy yourself something after surviving the first day of period so far– you freaking deserve it.

9. Read a book if TV, your phone, and social media are just too much for you right now.

10. Put your hand on your stomach to calm it down. Don’t know why this works, but it does; don’t question the magic.

Love,
Nat 💖

 Sparks A Piece Of History

I’m always making notes. Ever since I was able to hold a pen, I’ve been making notes, songs, writing down ideas. 
I can’t tell you how much data I’ve used up by writing notes on my phone ( and two others from before) along with my iPad (rip) and computer.
I wish there was a way for me to find all of them. Although there isn’t, there’s at least my old e-mail which hold quite a few. 
One day I’ll go through them, maybe share a few… but for now I just want to talk about how much I love writing. 
Not only do I focus better, remember tasks I’d otherwise forget, and come up with creative ideas that I put few to use, but it helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something. 
I started out with a pen and paper, even now I do still prefer a pen and paper… but, those ideas that come on around 2 am or so (the most creative I think), or the ideas that come to thought in a dream, are written in my phone. 
No matter how you look at it, you’ll see I always write and I most likely date the paper too. 
There’s something I find really cool about going to back to things I wrote or drew back in 2013, for instance, because it sparks memory and it sparks a piece of history from my life. 
It does for everyone when they discover something they thought they lost. 
The way we write tells a story too; why do we curve the g’s and y’s? 
Why do we write in cursive or print?
Why do we have sloppy handwriting sometimes and clean as pledge the next? 
There are more unique things about ourselves than what we thought…
Even when it comes to something as “simple” as writing. 
Thanks for reading. 🔥
Love, 

          Nat 💖

Not Yours 

** I wrote this back in November. I’m sharing it now because I’m going through old notes, and am finding a lot of poems, writings, pieces, whatever you want to call them.🌸All I want to add is that a whole lot can change in just one year.🎬** 

It’s been next to five months and I can still feel his lips on mine.

 I can feel his arms wrapped around my waist as he pulls me in for a hug. I always loved those. 

I can sense his eyes as my own follow a page of a book. 

I can hear his heart as it asks to be mine, but I refuse to take it. 

And now I understand why he ran when I finally came to the decision to express that I loved him. 

He couldn’t handle me. 

Back and forth I went, in fact I made a bet with myself on when he would get sick of me. Purely because, I wanted him too. 

I forced my way out of his heart in order to protect my own.

 But what I would come to find is that when I felt the time was right, he would vanish because something pretty and new had walked by. 

 And it was no surprise to me that I couldn’t keep his eye. 

But what would provoke me to believe I was at a loss when he had given up something he couldn’t see, something he defied in every sense of beauty, someone who claimed she was the queen. 

Oh dear heart, if only you knew. 

It was his choice, not yours, to let go of you. 

Comments On Cheating

Cheating isn’t cool.

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, point blank is that it’s not another thing to add to why one gender is worse than another.

So many comments on all sorts of platforms, including real-life revolve around who cheats more, men, or women. If you are a man it’s likely you’ll say women, and if you are a woman it’s likely you’ll say men, ESPECIALLY if you yourself have experienced cheating. Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone on the planet, however I’d like to think at least some people see where I’m coming from.

To feel as if you can’t trust another person is one level, but to KNOW that someone has the audacity to cheat or hurt and then lie in your face is another.

You, yes YOU deserve better. You deserve to know better, and be loved by better.

I don’t want you to think slimey people are all that exist after one encounter with a partner that just hits the fan. I definitely don’t want that to happen if it was your first relationship.

But I especially don’t want it to become a battle consistently of whether or not men are the biggest cheaters, or women are.

Life is complicated as it is, should we really throw more gasoline on the fire?

Whether or not you were cheated on, know YOU are still fine as hell. There’s zero reason for you to doubt your self-worth, whether or not you were good enough, pretty enough, loving enough, NO.

And there is zero reason to single-out any gender, or place the blame for some of human-kinds misguided and idiotic people on a sole string of incidents that are relatable for almost every person in a comment section.

This is the cheaters problem. It is all the cheaters problem. You may not see the justice now, but know darn well it’s coming and karma will quite simply smack them in the face if you’re not quick enough to yourself.

Do me a favor though, please?

Recognize that it’s not a genders issue, it’s a cheater’s mind.

P.S. Recognize that you’re sad and it’s okay to be sad rather than playing it off… it’s okay to be sad for a while, however long you need to, but also remember that time waits for no one and once you understand they weren’t a waste of time but a blur of lessons, then you can begin to accept that the world will turn with or without that toxic person in you’re life.

And sometimes, too much of a good thing– or what you think is at least– really isn’t so good after all.

Love,

Nat

 

 

Wonder Woman Will Kick Ass

I have a gut feeling this movie is going to break records.

I have a gut feeling this movie is going to inspire a lot of little girls, a lot of women, and people in general.

This doesn’t strike me as a movie that will only show the good scenes in the trailer just to “get hype.”

It’s apparent to me that this movie deserves the hype due to the fact that it doesn’t’ appear at all to be a let down both in the trailers, and considering the director is also a woman (who may be able to bring a more relatable side of the character to the movie-goers as well).

Today at work, at least 3 times alone (the most I can ever remember in one sole day) I was asked if a man, a boy, anyone besides a female could carry cases of water for a customer. Seriously, this really did happen. Even after I did truck and moved about 200 cases of product, quite a lot of it being heavy.

What I did was at least took it to the counter for the customer. He looked at me in shock, this elderly man, and questioned “that’s not heavy to you?” with eyes practically bulging out of his head I politely said “no, not at all” and smiled.

And no, I’m definitely not the strongest woman anyone will come across, I don’t lift or work out much besides when at work, however I AM in fact able to do it so why the hell should I not?

Afterwards, a man came in to get a propane tank, and before I could grab it off the shelf, he said “no, no, wait I got it” even though I’ve done this at least 50 times… and he did do just that.

I want to mention that I have zero problem if someone (a man specifically in this case) wants to help me, however, if I’m not struggling in the slightest bit, if I don’t mind in the slightest bit, and hell, even if I do mind sometimes; I don’t feel there should be a place where a man says to me “no, you shouldn’t lift that, its too heavy for a woman.”

It is insulting to me, to watch someone else do a job I could easily do, only because they are a male.

I hope the movie “Wonder Woman” –and the fact that it was directed by a woman as well– can inspire as many people as its already inspired me to remind myself I’m a badass woman, when others fail to realize.

I have a really good feeling about this movie, what are you thinking about it? Do you think it’s too hyped up, or are you excited to see what it has in store?

Lemme know what you think 🙂

*Note: I found the featured image on Deviant Art, it’s done by TristanHartup*

Love,

Nat

 

 

I Have A Choice

Get this.

I’m wearing this eyeshadow, I’m wearing this full face of makeup, or at least what *I* consider a full face of makeup— for Myself.

I’m not wearing it because social media told me to.

I have a choice.

I have an option of whether or not I want to wear makeup.

Everyone seems to try to pinpoint what is “right” and what is “wrong” all the time, or they try to keep on everyone’s side to seem like they aren’t bias.

Now let me tell you, I care, I do. I care a lot about everyone I meet, what people think of me (semi-sometimes) because everyone feels this way, it’s just natural to care.

Everyone questions “am I good enough, is this winged liner even, do I even feel like wearing foundation today… no, but I’m going to wear it anyways because there’s this cute guy in my class and in order for me to work up the courage to even look at him I have to look inside my soul, find this confidence that’s buried somewhere, and LET IT FREE by wearing whatever make-up makes me feel damn GOOD on this day.”

Yes, that sentence was completely bombastic and slightly unnecessary.

But the key thing to remember out of what I just said is confidence.

Everyone has it, it’s fueled by different things. Me for instance, I do better at life in general when I feel like myself, when I feel good, whether that’s with make-up or without.

There used to be a time where I wore make-up because I felt like I had to. I felt naked without it, or I felt just completely not myself.

And sometimes I still do feel that way, but I’ve noticed the caring on that level has SUNK, let me tell you.

I went out in public, with no makeup, hadn’t washed my hair, I looked like I was going through a crisis slightly, because I kinda sort of was, and I took a smoothie to this guy that sort of liked me but I wanted to be clear we were just friends and I thought he was sweet.

SoooooOoOoooOOOOOO I went back in the house and immediately was asked “what, you went out like that?” and I said “yes, who cares? If he likes me anyways then he needs to see the real me, and accept me, right?”

*laughs at self *

…………………………………

ohhh my goddd

And then the other person just looked at me and smiled probably internally screaming “what happened to you?!?!?!”

But seriously, I’m sitting here telling you that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to feel good about yourself.

You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup; you don’t even have to wear any make-up.

And yes I know there are girls that exist who do both proudly and props to you, I am that person too—sometimes.

But the truth is, I just love makeup. And, I also just love rubbing my eyes.

Everyone stresses about being liked but it’s all about doing whatever you like— that will help you achieve this happiness and validation you’re searching for.

And if you’re really looking for likes, you need to be yourself. An original, not a copy of a neighbor or celebrity; you’ll be surprised how many positive responses you get when you yourself feel good about what you’re doing, wearing, and putting out into the world.

*P.S. I sort of want to film a video on this, do you have any thoughts on it? Am I missing anything or do you sort of relate to me at all? I’d love to hear. 🙂

Love,

Nat