Tag Archives: Change

Natural Nerd 

Yes, It’s true. I’m a nerd. I’m as nerdy as they get. 

I was a nerd before I even realized people thought I was… wait. That doesn’t make any sense. 

I am a nerd, and I’ve been told this. Sometimes by people teasing me, time’s I’d like to think were because they thought I was cute but then I look back at my actual little self and think “no, you’re just a nerd and were never aware of How Much.”

And there’s been a couple times where people have mentioned it but not in a kind way… I push those to the back of my thought vault. 

It didn’t bother me until I kept hearing it, and hearing it, and hearing it, and hearing it. 
But then I saw this quote that says “I may be a nerd, but one day I’’ll be your boss.” And I thought: Yeah, that fits. 

💖 Things I’m definitely Geeky about:

Taylor Swift 

Doctor Who 

Star Wars (Since about 2015 where I went to see Star Wars with a guy I was dating) 

YouTuber

“Old-school” video games like Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Sims, Nintendogs if you consider those old school. 

Ellen

EXO the Kpop group

Anime, really cute anime stories. 

Books. Yes, Books. I LOVE Books. When I was 12 I would read a book a day.

💖Things that qualify me for nerd status: 

<3I have written a fan fiction. One. Single. Not plural. 
I have crushed on a guy that doesn’t know I exist 
Guys in suspenders are cute to me, weird thing to mention but I kinda associate suspenders with either old school dressing or nerds… and If a guy wears those with a Bowtie… hell yes, sign me up
Gym in school was my own personal HELL. 

Very Rarely can I pull off looking cool. But when I do, I’m on it. 

Sometimes I’d carry this mini dictionary with me to class, one day I couldn’t find it so I took the big one instead, which is still huge to me now to this day. 

Lar– actually no, I’ve never Larped. Or cosplayed. But cosplaying would be fun. *raises eyebrow* 

Guess who loves cartoons and still watches them? This girl *points to self with thumbs*

And lastly, I’m a goof. Why? Because it’s fun. 
And I love laughing and making other people laugh ☺️
I’m just rather quiet sometimes when around people I don’t know or slightly know. 

Are you nerdy? If yes, lemme know because I need more of you in my life 🤓 

Love,

Nat 💜

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Change In Criticism

“Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat? Do they think I’m dumb? Am I good/clever/cool enough (partially worded from some WikiHow thing I read)?”

STOP IT.

These thoughts are SO ANNOYING. If I had a dollar for every time I thought these when surrounded by a group of people who even so slightly intimidate me, I’d be able to get at least some aspects of my life together.

It’s the feeling of needing to change yourself to “fit in” with whoever it is your speaking to at the moment, or whoever it is your meeting for the first time, or whoever it is you feel this annoying need to be your “best self” (or what you feel people with be most accepting of) for.

It’s a loss, really.

There is NO being yourself all the time, forever.

There are different faces, and different versions of oneself for every situation.

The idea that everyone has a mold to fit into, or a role to play, is also infuriating.

The only piece of advice that seems to make sense is “be yourself,” but that doesn’t mean pick who you want to be and be that person all the time until the day you die.

It means, do what you want, say what you want, wear what you want, see who you want, because You want to, and You feel it is a necessary step in creating a life you feel most happy and yourself in.

If people didn’t change, if they always remained the same, if there was never even a change of simple eyeshadow for instance over the last 4 years, that would be boring. That would insinuate your always the same person.

But if You like that, if you say it’s what you enjoy on your face and you don’t want to change it because your happy with it… that would be a different story.

Because you’re doing what You want and sticking with what You love– not what someone expects.

There are people who like change, and are very open to it– and then there are people who aren’t a fan.

As we age, changes are made in our facial modes, the clothes we wear, the social aspects of our lives and so on… you mean to tell me nothing about you has changed? What about on the inside?

No one is inept to change, we’re all pretty used to it.

Period Pain Plan 

Bet you can’t say the title ten times fast… 🙂

Period plan:
1. Wake up whenever you want (unless you’re working, then get yourself some Advil asap)

2. Get to the couch stat

3. Shout for your sister to grab you the clicker, then proceed to ask for water

4. Avoid all cute things, unless you’re completely alone and in the mood to cry happy / lonely / funny tears

5. Listen to some music, whatever your favorite is to boost your mood.

6. Watch a funny movie instead of a rom com, and especially don’t watch a horror movie, why would you do that to yourself

7. Once you have any energy at all take a nap, then after you’ve regained consciousness go for a little walk.

*As odd as the walk sounds, it will help with cramps believe it or not*

8. Make some kind of list whether it’s for groceries or to buy yourself something after surviving the first day of period so far– you freaking deserve it.

9. Read a book if TV, your phone, and social media are just too much for you right now.

10. Put your hand on your stomach to calm it down. Don’t know why this works, but it does; don’t question the magic.

Love,
Nat 💖

It doesn’t get to you 

It doesn’t get to you until you step inside the doorway.
It doesn’t get to you until you hear ” I feel the baby kick.” 
And you’re immediate reaction is to place you’re hand on her stomach. 
It doesn’t get to you until the hour long drive back home that feels like a breeze,
But over time grows more and more distant.
It doesn’t get to you until empty spaces are filled with friends of family.
It doesn’t get to you until you look at the backyard and remember looking up instead of down
It doesn’t get to you until you drive down the road you learned to ride you’re bike on.
You’re first wheels. 
It doesn’t get to you until a tiny hand is placed in the palm of yours and you realize, this is the most precious thing. 
It doesn’t get to you until tears well up in you’re eyes and everything stops briefly.
While you’re hand is on her stomach,
And you can envision the life ahead. 
It doesn’t get to you until then. 
It doesn’t even phase you. 
*** Note: I literally just wrote this out of nowhere thinking of earlier today. Hope you don’t mind me sharing it. I hope you all have a good day too. *** 

Love,

           Nat 💖

Empty Chairs

Eventually the dates will slip by, becoming weeks, months, years. Until your surrounded by empty chairs, some you expected, whilst others you never did. Try to live the most out of every day and love everyone in the process. Not everyone will disappear, some will reappear years later… it’s just life. Know that if it’s not great now, then it’s not the end. Everything makes sense with time. Just give it time. ❤️

What if I stop saying “what if”

*Note: this is completely random and utterly in need of some kind of editing, but please know that I wrote this in one minute and I needed to simply express it haha*

I’m scared. What if he’s changed. It’s been four years since I saw him. Three since I REALLY saw him. What if his smile doesn’t light up anymore. What if he’s grown cold and shudders at the thought of me. What if he ignores me completely. 
What then. 
What if. 
What if I stopped saying what if. 
What if he smiles because I took the time to reach out. What if he laughs because it took so long. What if he says he wants to see me as soon as I’m home. 
What if my heart gets exactly what I want…
But he’s not what I want anymore…
What if I stopped saying what if…

Q & A 2016

I logged into WordPress wanting to post a blog, realizing I haven’t posted in a while and then stumbled on a notification saying I’ve been on this site for two years.

Wow, I mean wow.

I am absolute crap at posting (although in my defense I’ve been trying to upload a YouTube video and failing completely due to the editing system I was using) so in order to make that up and to have you all get to know me a bit better I decided to post a Q&A.

I hope it’s fun to read haha– it is sort of a long post, so bare with me. Or, disappear while you have the chance. 🙂

Hereee we go:

  1. Do you have any siblings?

Yes, i have one 19 year old sister. We are fraternal twins, she has blonde hair and blue eyes whist i have brown hair and brown eyes.

2. How old are you?

I’m 19 & my birthday is on the 13th of October.

3. What’s your height?

5ft 2″ i think…

4. What’s your top/dress size?

I’m a 2 or 4 depending on the store I go to.

5. Do you have any diet plans/tips?

I don’t. I should, but i don’t. I sort of just eat whatever i feel like but food that’s bad for me tends to be number one. I’ve been eating a lot more fruit recently and trying out new recipes which reminds me i want to share one soon– so we’ll have to see how this pans out.

6. Do you workout/How do you stay so slim?

This is going to sound terrible, but i don’t. I have a high metabolism which allows me to stay slim (this will most definitely change in a few years) although at one point I did do yoga in High School. I do really want to start exercising though, lately I have been walking too! So a point for me haha.

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a dog that’s a wheaten terrier named Riley who I also call Bubba sometimes. He is the best dog, I love him to pieces even though he’s 12 and STILL acts like a puppy. That’s what I love about him though.

8. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

This will sound boring..but nothing. I like organizing from time to time– that stresses me out/ reaxes me lol. Majority of the time though I’ll be watching YouTube videos and maybe reading.

9. Who inspires you?

So many people inspire me. I can’t pick one. Ii get inspired from everyone to be honest, anyone I meet could be an inspiration.

10. What do you feel is your greatest achievement?

Winning a debate against a snooty guy who thought I was nothing but a lollygagging girl. He certainly got a surprise. 🙂

11. What do you value most in life?

The people that value me. Not the fakers. They suck.

12. What do you do?

I am currently going into my Junior year of college (aka University). I worked at school this past year while studying and am working for the same company this summer. Not sure how much longer I will stay– but everyone’s been super sweet and I’ve loved it WAY more than my old job (my Co-workers were great, the customers however tended to be a little interesting).

13. What is your dream job?

My dream job…hmm..my dream job would be a Journalist. I have had a lot of ideas but Journalism is always the one I come back to. Plus, law school is incredibly expensive and maybe a paralegal one day, but first I’m chasing my Journalism dream. Writing, simply anything where I can write would be amazing.

14. Do you make good grades?

Yes. I try my best with everything I do– however, this year has brought on many new challenges such as working while studying and having a new relationship etc.– not that those are setbacks! But with everything being new to me, I had to constantly remind myself to breathe which was a pain in itself but I got my behind back in gear.

15. Do you want to get married later on in life?

Of course, as does every other girl. I have always been a super girly girl. I could talk about makeup forever simply because i find it fun. I also have day’s where I am the complete opposite though–not that either one is a bad thing, I’m just telling you the straight up truth. I would never marry the wrong person just for a wedding– I think it’s best to meet the one that is in it for you (everything about you) and the one you love whole-heartedley too. I hope I get married to someone who is genuinely my best friend and also love that will stick with me until the end. Of course, I don’t want to rush any of that. I personally feel the youngest I want to be married is 27 so I can figure my stuff out and live my life and so that whoever marries me can do the same.

16. Do you have any phobias?

Spiders. I am not a fan of them at all. I also don’t like the ocean. I don’t trust/ know what’s in it and I think its best to just stay far away.

17. Have you ever had a near death experience?

I haven’t really.

18. Do you get mad easily?

No, I don’t get mad easily. But if someone is being a complete idiot for a while, I will get frustrated and upset instead of mad.

19. Heels or flats?

I love wedges, I don’t feel as incapable of walking. haha

20. Favourite moisturiser?

Right now it’s Nivea, it used to be clinique’s dramatically different moisturizer

21. Where do you buy most of your clothes from?

Forever 21 / Pacsun / American  Eagle

22. Favorite Shop?

This is annoying but I don’t have a favorite shop.

23. Favorite makeup brand?

Mac (just for the lipstick and currently the MSFN), Too Faced, Urban Decay, and Benefit has never failed me. To each their own reasons as to why I love them.

24. Favorite drugstore makeup brand?

Wet N’ Wild by a longshot. The first makeup brand I ever bought from and right after was Burt’s Bee’s.

25. Favorite nail polish brand?

Essie and Sinful Colors. I always look at the names before I buy them too, I don’t know why, I just find it interesting and I love when I find one that fits the day? I have no real explanation tbh.

26. What was your first makeup item?

My first makeup item was a Wet N’ Wild eyeshadow trio in walking on Eggshells and a Wet N’ Wild lipgloss called “can’t be tamed” that I was obsessed with. It smelled minty and was sparkly.

27. What are you into the most, if you HAD to choose one..Jewelery, Makeup, Shoes, Clothes?

There’s a time when i would have said handbags hands down, but now I would definitely say makeup.

28. What is your favorite shoe store?

DSW.

29. At what age did you start wearing makeup?

Around 12/ 13 and it was every once in a while but all it was, was brown eyeliner. No mascara, no eyeshadow, just thick brown eyeliner on my waterline. Just try and picture that, and then completely erase that image from your mind ahaha

30. Do you wear falsies? If so which brand?

Nope. They freak me out.

I hope you enjoyed this little Q&A… it was completely random but fun. 🙂

Have a great night/ day, and feel free to answer any of these questions in the comments or in your own post!

Thanks for listening to me. ❤

Let’s talk about love.

I want to talk about love for a second. No, I am not an expert on love, that is an absolute fact. However, I know what it feels like, and I know what it shouldn’t feel like.

I know some of the people reading this may be going through a break up, in a new relationship, in a four year relationship, there are many different possibilities. Whatever the case may be, I just feel the need to tell you what I believe love to be, and to help anyone questioning whether they are in it or not, or feel they should be for that matter.

First and foremost: it does not matter if you are in a relationship right now or not. **The first step to loving anyone else is loving yourself first**

What love should feel like:

  1. When you love someone, their happiness makes you happy, their sadness gets you a bit down and so on. But, that in no way should mean you take it to heart and they rip you up from the insides due to their imbalance of emotions.
  2. The overwhelming feeling of butterflies when you see them or think of them, yet comfortable when you’re with them.
  3. You’re always smiling.
  4. You push each other to be the best version of yourselves. There’s no belittling eachothers ideas or dreams in order to keep the other person around.
  5. When you say you love them, you mean it 100%.
  6. You write about them.
  7. They look at you when you’re not looking at them in a way as if to say you’re the only thing they see. and when you catch them, they smile and look away.
  8. You get excited when you think of the littelest memory– For instance, when they sat down next to you when they could’ve sat by their friend on the other side of the room when given a chance.
  9. You want the best for them, even if the best isn’t you.
  10. You still love them after they’ve gotten a haircut (sounds bad, but some people are only into other people for their looks. Shocker, right? You want to make sure that’s not you)
  11. You think about them every day and wonder how they are doing.
  12. They dont leave you to fight your own battles when you need them. You may say you don’t need them, and you may be angry when they try to help, yet they stick around because they know you need them whether you want to admit it or not.
  13. They do sweet things to cheer you up, bring ice cream when your sick or a pacski on fat tuesday.
  14. they don’t change the station when you’re favorite song is on that they aren’t too fond of. Instead, they crank the volume up and give you a “what I do for you” look instead.
  15. They make you feel like all the heart pains you’ve felt before were worth it.
  16. They respond right away to a text, email, phone call, etc. That’s just common courtesy though too.
  17. They NEVER comment on your weight unless asked a question.
  18. They play songs that make you happy when you’re sad.
  19. They lay with you when you have your monthly enemy and give you chocolate. (okay, this is just a nice thing, what girl wouldn’t want this. Actually funny, because this was me but then one day he did and I oddly felt better).
  20. When you see them for the first time in a while they pick you up in a hug.
  21. They write you a note every once in a while to tell you you’re one of the nicest people they’ve ever known. And you believe it.
  22. They sit and read a book with you.
  23. You’re comfortable in silence.
  24. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care.
  25. They bring you soup when you’re sick.
  26. They do little things for you that make it feel like you have everything.
  27. You can feel in your soul that this person understand you. You’re quirks, sense of humor, thoughts, and all.
  28. You want to look good for them. You’re all about looking good for yourself, but in this case you want to look good so they know how good you can look and that you cared enough to not throw on sweats for once.
  29. They dont care that you like cartoons and disney movies, they will gladly watch them with you.
  30. They don’t care if you would rather sit and play a whole 22 levels of a knock-off Donkey Kong game instead of go out to dinner, they will gladly sit there and watch you play it (you also ask them to play, of course, no rudeness here).
  31. When you look at them you feel like you’re home.
  32. They make you laugh. If a person can make their crush genuinely laugh, that is a great sign.

 

What love shouldnt feel like:

  1. A relationship should never feel like a constant battle.
  2. You should not rely on them–or any other person– for your own happiness.
  3. They should never be mean to you. Whether its once in a while or you see it becoming more everyday, there should be no competitions or intentional physical or emotional harming. Ever.
  4. You hear the words “I love you” and your gut (ALWAYS listen to your gut, I can’t stress this enough) tells you something isn’t right.
  5. You don’t write about them.
  6. WHEN EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DO ANNOYS YOU.
  7. .They buy ice cream for themselves and send you a photo knowing you are sick. They do this with a lot of things come to think of it.
  8. They say your “boney” after saying you were getting “chubby in the thighs” months prior, and claim it was a joke.*Flashback to “Love Actually” when Natalie was telling Hugh Grant about her ex and sadly, this is a legitimate thing some guys do and say thinking its okay).
  9. They only act kind and care about you when their friends are around.
  10. They don’t say sorry. Instead, they flip the situation around on you, so you then reflect two hours later and feel like a hopeless idiot when in reality this is their little manipulative magic trick.
  11. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care. But if you ever say one thing about yourself, they pretend to fall asleep and/ or change the topic.
  12. When they seem to pay the most attention to you its when you’re wearing legginggs or any kind of clothing that shows off you’re shape for once.
  13. They whine when they don’t get something they want. I’m not talking a cute whine, I’m talking about flat out “whhhyyyyyy” the kind of things little boys do, and then throw a fit.

**Disclaimer: I’m in no way saying I know exactly what love is or that these are the only tell-tale signs the person you’re in a relationship with is a yes or no… genuinely just wanted to share my view on a few good and/or bad signs the s/o could be dodging or bringing to your attention.**

Don’t worry if he turns out to be an asshole. No, you arent stupid, and no, hes not the last guy that will ever find you attractive in everything you do. It takes a lot of steps to get past heartbreaks. but you’ll meet the right one, this is just the journey leading up to it. Sometimes, especially if their an asshole, the relationship wont be as hard as you thought to get over.

All the people prior to finding that one person, they are lessons. Take what you like and didn’t like from those relationships and keep it stored in the back of your mind for later. No guy is the same, don’t compare every guy you meet to previous relationships, don’t work based off a mental checklist, but take these things as steps and tics as to what you’re looking for or in need of.

Also, there is NEVER a good time for a break-up, ever. There is always a birthday, a holiday, or some sort of festivitiy. The right thing to do is to not lead them on, not everyone knows the right thing. Sometimes its hard to do the right thing when being put in a position where one may feel powerless, but it will take a giant weight off your chest that you may not have known you were carrying.

If you’ve been under countless stress, back and forths with yourself, sleepless nights filled with tears, etc. know that you are worth more than that. There is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you. It will shock you when you actually meet them, but it happens when you least expect it. They are waiting just around the corner.

Love, Nat

STOP EVERYTHING. JESS IS BACK.

If any of you have been around me the past week you will notice that I’ve been talking about a few people by the names of Rory, Lorelai, Luke, etc. What you won’t know, is that these aren’t friends of mine. They are like family.

Okay, that last part sounded crazy, I’m not THAT loony.

This is all due to the revival of a show titled “Gilmore Girls,” one of the best shows in the history of ever, tied with “Friends,” “Modern Family,” and “Adventure Time,” written by Amy Sherman-Palladino. Absolutely, stunningly brilliant.

The character I would like to express my excitement about however is Jess, Rory’s second love interest in the show. He is absolute perfection.

I don’t want to go into too much detail for those of you who haven’t viewed the show (now is where I realize I already spoiled a couple things, lovely, sorry about that), but what I do want to say is that Jess will be returning, and we don’t know what will happen in the show with Rory’s love interests besides the fact that shes dating around just like she would be in the fictional world of Stars Hallow today.

The revival will have four 90 minute episodes, all titled with seasons (fall, winter, summer, and spring). If you know this show, you are probably bouncing off the walls ecstatic for the revisit to the old place that feels like home.

There is more to be revealed, but as of now there is one question that still remains…

WILL SOOKIE BE IN IT?!

 

SOOKIE2

Feel free to express your excitement along with me. 😉