Tag Archives: personal

Turn Up The Heat

Lets go through the bullshit I’ve had to deal with:

  1. Roommate is mad at me of course for turning off the heat last night, understandable; it was cold. Then chooses to act innocent saying “I wasn’t upset, you got out of the car upset.”
  2. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WEREN’T UPSET YOU LITERALLY BARKED AT ME OUT OF NOWHERE
  3. I put a note by the thermostat saying “let’s talk later about why I turned it off at Midnight”… this was days ago so yes, a talk should’ve happened sooner but because she’s been so busy with an assignment and I’ve simply been busy over the last few days myself just on campus we haven’t been able to.
  4. Why is the damn door to the closet always open, that fucking annoys the shit out of me.
  5. I have given you numerous back-ups when it comes to family talking about you being mean and horrible when it came to freshman year living with a Distant- and I mean distant from MY family- family friend.
  6. Bring her up all you want, I did too because I thought it’d be fun to joke about once in a while, stupid things that happened before when they lived together.
  7. AND YOU DARE BRING HER UP AND PRACTICALLY COMPARE HER TO ME WHEN YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL WE ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM IN TERMS OF INCOME AND MANNER.
  8. I’m so floored, I can’t speak about this anymore.

I’m not over here looking for WWIII, but it constantly feels like she want’s to instigate it with me.

You’d think someone would be able to recognize when they come off harshly, and constantly too. Not a one time thing, but excessively.

We finally get to a good place, I was helping her with a project I was reluctant to do in the first place, but thought “no, i need to because she needs the help this time” only to be yelled at within 5 minutes of the second day that I wasn’t doing what I had done before that not only she liked, but her teacher liked. I don’t take well to being yelled at, hearing yelling, anything of the sort. And I mean hardcore, not some little argument. I’ll tell you what, it felt like she was piercing me through the heart on the second day of her project and it definitely felt like that again tonight.

I shouldn’t be so surprised every time, yet I still am.

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Period Pain Plan 

Bet you can’t say the title ten times fast… 🙂

Period plan:
1. Wake up whenever you want (unless you’re working, then get yourself some Advil asap)

2. Get to the couch stat

3. Shout for your sister to grab you the clicker, then proceed to ask for water

4. Avoid all cute things, unless you’re completely alone and in the mood to cry happy / lonely / funny tears

5. Listen to some music, whatever your favorite is to boost your mood.

6. Watch a funny movie instead of a rom com, and especially don’t watch a horror movie, why would you do that to yourself

7. Once you have any energy at all take a nap, then after you’ve regained consciousness go for a little walk.

*As odd as the walk sounds, it will help with cramps believe it or not*

8. Make some kind of list whether it’s for groceries or to buy yourself something after surviving the first day of period so far– you freaking deserve it.

9. Read a book if TV, your phone, and social media are just too much for you right now.

10. Put your hand on your stomach to calm it down. Don’t know why this works, but it does; don’t question the magic.

Love,
Nat đź’–

Picture Travel

I want to travel. If you know me, you know this is something I’ve dreamt about since I was 12.

The reason I read so much as a kid was due to the fact of me being so immersed in another world, whether it was Paris, another state, or some fantasy land (like in The Hobbit).

Now that I’m 20, I’m trying my best to be able to do that soon.

But its hard, Living Is Expensive.

While its easy to think you understand at 15, once 20 hits, reality does too.

But, I think I’ve come up with a solution for me to be able to experience other worlds and not have to wait until I’m 30, or 60 to do so.

I’ve heard about travel points over the last couple of summers… I’ve heard that by opening some type of travel credit card and earning points, that its possible to save money on flights, food etc. simply by using it on the ground.

Now, I don’t know too much about these, and anything with the word “credit” makes me second-eye it… but from anyone who has actually traveled or used travel points and travel cards, please let me know how it started and what you’ve been able to do since opening the account.

The first place I want to go is somewhere not far from home, yet in another country about a day’s drive away.

This isn’t some kind of puzzling question, this is me trying to avoid telling you where I actually live. 🙂

Not sure if I’ll be driving, flying, what have you, but just in case I want to try and prepare for it.

With these travel points, people are able to build them up in a year and fly off to London for instance…

I can’t express to you how badly I want to be that person.

So, with that said, please let me know you’re experiences / favorite places to open one with.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

Love,

Nat

I Have A Choice

Get this.

I’m wearing this eyeshadow, I’m wearing this full face of makeup, or at least what *I* consider a full face of makeup— for Myself.

I’m not wearing it because social media told me to.

I have a choice.

I have an option of whether or not I want to wear makeup.

Everyone seems to try to pinpoint what is “right” and what is “wrong” all the time, or they try to keep on everyone’s side to seem like they aren’t bias.

Now let me tell you, I care, I do. I care a lot about everyone I meet, what people think of me (semi-sometimes) because everyone feels this way, it’s just natural to care.

Everyone questions “am I good enough, is this winged liner even, do I even feel like wearing foundation today… no, but I’m going to wear it anyways because there’s this cute guy in my class and in order for me to work up the courage to even look at him I have to look inside my soul, find this confidence that’s buried somewhere, and LET IT FREE by wearing whatever make-up makes me feel damn GOOD on this day.”

Yes, that sentence was completely bombastic and slightly unnecessary.

But the key thing to remember out of what I just said is confidence.

Everyone has it, it’s fueled by different things. Me for instance, I do better at life in general when I feel like myself, when I feel good, whether that’s with make-up or without.

There used to be a time where I wore make-up because I felt like I had to. I felt naked without it, or I felt just completely not myself.

And sometimes I still do feel that way, but I’ve noticed the caring on that level has SUNK, let me tell you.

I went out in public, with no makeup, hadn’t washed my hair, I looked like I was going through a crisis slightly, because I kinda sort of was, and I took a smoothie to this guy that sort of liked me but I wanted to be clear we were just friends and I thought he was sweet.

SoooooOoOoooOOOOOO I went back in the house and immediately was asked “what, you went out like that?” and I said “yes, who cares? If he likes me anyways then he needs to see the real me, and accept me, right?”

*laughs at self *

…………………………………

ohhh my goddd

And then the other person just looked at me and smiled probably internally screaming “what happened to you?!?!?!”

But seriously, I’m sitting here telling you that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to feel good about yourself.

You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup; you don’t even have to wear any make-up.

And yes I know there are girls that exist who do both proudly and props to you, I am that person too—sometimes.

But the truth is, I just love makeup. And, I also just love rubbing my eyes.

Everyone stresses about being liked but it’s all about doing whatever you like— that will help you achieve this happiness and validation you’re searching for.

And if you’re really looking for likes, you need to be yourself. An original, not a copy of a neighbor or celebrity; you’ll be surprised how many positive responses you get when you yourself feel good about what you’re doing, wearing, and putting out into the world.

*P.S. I sort of want to film a video on this, do you have any thoughts on it? Am I missing anything or do you sort of relate to me at all? I’d love to hear. 🙂

Love,

Nat

Happy Accidents

Everything happens for a reason.

While I may not understand the reasoning behind some peoples choices or actions, I know what I am capable of and who I am as a person.

I am not lazy, I am not uptight to the point where if I get something wrong that I hide away, because making a mistake or having an assumption be made of me is simply another step into the direction of where I am meant to go.

The only way to battle someones accusations or negativity towards you is to progress in your own life.

Don’t look back, try to find answers in the moment– but if there is the case where you cannot find answers, know that this is sometimes unavoidable.

Not everyone will have an answer for you, nor will you be able to comprehend why one shuts you out of finding an answer.

But, remember, everything happens for a reason.

Normally when something negative, or a string of negative events occur, it is building up to other opportunities. It is up to you to accept the changes, and welcome the new moments.

The new experiences, whether it be love, a job, a person, or something simple like trying a new candy bar, are all good experiences.

Because they are changes, and people need changes in order to grow.

I know that there are moments where you want to do nothing and lay in your bed because the world has gotten you a little too down– but you aren’t meant to stay there forever.

You are meant to get back up, discover your stability, and keep treading forward because you aren’t meant to have it figured out nor are you meant to figure things out.

Sometimes things happen out of nowhere, and thats okay.

Sometimes there are good mistakes and happy accidents, believe it or not.

How else would the red and blue Nintendo Switch have come about for instance.

Love,

Nat

We Need to Chat about My Future

I am at a loss for words as I sit in the lobby of a building typing this, something that is out of my comfort zone a bit, because I’m not in the comfort of my room let alone in my hometown.

I used to think the dream was to be away from my hometown, to be off on adventures no matter whether it was a hike through some woods, a walk around a city, or on a plane (has happened few times for me) going somewhere entirely different.

I crave adventure.

I want new experiences.

And I want good memories to overshadow my awkward self that I love– but to a degree.

I used to believe I would be stuck forever in my room a shy, self-conscious (during my early teenage years) yet confident person with a desperate need to explore new opportunities and environments. Falling victim to having aspirations and hope, yet eventually with time, no matter how hard I worked or believed, fearing failure.

There is no failing.

Oprah Winfrey didn’t fail as she began her life as a talk show host, producer, actress etc. after being fired at 23 from her first reporting job.

Tina Fey didn’t fail, now a comedian and actress worked at the YMCA age 23.

Stephen King, an iconic author didn’t fail as he lived in a trailer and worked as a janitor age 24.

J.K. Rowling, (another iconic author) of the Harry Potter Series was practically homeless at the age of 28.

Vera Wang, a fashion designer known around the world didn’t design her first dress until age 40.

The late Julia child,  a chef you may have noticed, inspired the movie Julie and Julia and didn’t release her first cook book until age 49.

The late Alan Rickman, was not a widely known actor until age 42 when he landed his first role after deciding to stop pursuing graphic design.

And so on and so on…

So if someone tells me I need to give up and that I’ll never amount to anything– even if that person is me at times– I remind myself of these amazing people who got their start in the middle, and many with struggles.

Everything takes time, the issue is that my time is up on making a decision in regards to college decisions.

Choosing a major, choosing an area of focus, deciding where I’ll live next year and who the hell with, let alone whether or not I want to pursue my dream of traveling despite the realization that I actually like comfort… is mind boggling.

Yes, in a sense that comfort has been ripped away over the last few days, but whose to say it hasn’t been slowly building up over the course of a year.

Also known as, the mid-college crisis.

I know it will get better, but it is incredibly frustrating to remember this as I’m being stretched thin by my own unstable comprehension.

I know I can get through these decisions everyone says not to worry about, but the time is now and plain as day that I can either try for my dream and fail a few times in the process, or I can give up all together and settle.

I’m not one for settling, I’m one for finding an alternate way around a situation so that I can make the most out of what I’ve been given to work with.

Life can be crazy, challenging, and exhausting  but to write our own story we all have to go along with the ride and hope we end up somewhere amazing.

I Look Up To You

I get a call asking me where I am, why I haven’t shown up for work.

I am home.

I am happy.

I am in my car, with my mom, going to pick up my sister from work, and no stress whatsoever.

I’ve just watched “A dog’s purpose.”

Not the best emotional state, but definitely not putting up with these so called “responsibilities” I was never notified about to begin with.

Especially considering I was under the impression I was terminated from my job.

The job that I work 100 percent at every single day, the job that I get truck done (shipments sent to the store weekly) 70% faster than everyone else, the job where I give everyone smiles and respect unless a bad vibe is inevitably present. The job where I take a photo of the schedule every single time I am there, yet due to not being present for a while was unable to do so and was told she would be called if needed and that it was “nothing personal,” although we both know it was.

Even then, I still smile sometimes in hopes of the small chance they’ll smile back.

Offended doesn’t even begin to explain my feelings as I speak to my coworkers, people who used to love me, people I used to talk to and laugh with, who now look at me with a hint of disdain.

Or at least, that’s how it feels.

Not even a goodbye back as I head out the door.

What happened?

I question it all, as I continue the job I’m supposed to do.

One day a week due to school swarming me, I was unable to do what I could the year before and during the summer which was 3 or 4 days during the year, and almost every day during the summer.

The first day feeling of spring in the air, with 60 degree weather and not a cloud in the sky– has turned to rain in my mind.

Due to something so unbelievably stupid.

I’ve seen many people come and go through my almost two years at this establishment, but it didn’t occur to me that maybe some were pushed out.

Or voluntarily left, because it became much more difficult under the thumb of new store management.

It got complicated– we all have lives, but don’t we all have sympathy as well?

I am not lazy. I have bad days.

I am not a slacker, I try to balance everything at once.

I am not a slow learner, I learn quickly but due to lack of sleep not as comprehensive at times–few times for that matter.

I am not a person who takes malarkey that’s thrown my way. If I know you are lying–

I will call you out.

Boss or not.

If you know me, you know that I care.

You know that I have a shy nature with glimpses of an outgoing presence. 

This gives the impression of being a snob or conceited at times, but it is far from reality.

There are times when I’m way too sorry, when I’m way too lenient, when I’m way too nice– but do not mistake that for weakness.

You never want to mistake kindness for weakness.

But when something does ding ones heart a little too bad, water will flow from my eyes like a waterfall, especially when deceived regardless of whether or not I knew I was being treated like putty.

I am stronger than this.

I am worth more than this.

I can do better than this.

Someone came in today who used to work with me– she is doing much better, and let me tell you she was not in her best form before starting this new job. She is happier, she is smiling, she looks damn good, she ain’t lost it (had to reference BeyoncĂ©’s song).

I don’t intend to lose it either.

I haven’t yet, why the hell would I now?

I want to see the world and I will not get the thought of a chance, if I continue with where I am now.

I deserve better, just as my coworkers deserve better– they are all amazing people.

From the one who looks like she’s in college yet in reality has been married forever with a teenage son, isn’t a huge fan of tampa, and has gave me the mystery machine hot wheels car before someone else grabbed it, you are one that I look up to, and slightly idolize.

From the one who also looks like she’s in college, and drinks her coffee like a Gilmore to have time to spend with her 3 year old daughter and play video games, one that I look up to.

From the one who I didn’t meet until last year, he gave me a free mascara that ended up being top-notch by the way, if he ever reads this. He is the life of the party, and one that I look up to.

From the one who is never not sarcastic, and knocks people over for fun (not in a bad way)–literally. The one that helped me out when he could, which was really nice, maybe I was too dependent at times. One that I look up to.

From the one who I only ever say “hello” to when I walk through the door but works in a different section of the store and is always complimented by the elderly who can’t remember his name, I look up to you.

From the one who was terminated or quit, that came back then left again, I hope you and your fiancĂ© (or now husband) are doing well, I look up to you, even if you’re only a few years older.

From the one who never failed to put a smile on my face that gave me a near heart attack when mentioning a stomach issue– I’m glad you’re feeling better. I look up to you.

From the one who is chatty, and makes everyone chatty too even if they’ve had a blue day, you are gorgeous, funny, and remind me of a friend.

From the one who liked early mornings would talk politics and english with me– you are so flawless and sometimes it seems like you don’t even know it. Never ever let someone make you feel inferior because you are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my life.

From the one who wore flowers in her hair, you are so kind and cheery, you are one that I look up to.

From the one I din’t see too often but reminded me of Ryan Gosling, you’re pretty cool, just keep being you, I look up to you.

From the new guy who always seems a bit bland, I’m sure you are super funny, and your also a hard worker, I look up to you.

From the one I met one day that I never got to know because you work in a different section, you are amazing and it’s a shame we never knew each other better because I think we’d have been good friends, I look up to you.

From the one who walked home with me a few times  (even though you have a skateboard which is freaking amazing) that I told about Safe Trek, you seem really awesome, I look up to you.

From the guy who’s my age that got married, I have no clue what happened to you but I hope you are well and still swimming no matter the outcome of one event, you are one that I look up to.

From the one who was gone unexpectedly as I returned for the school year, I hope you love your new job and still carry all the wisdom you gave me. Btw, the blonde wig looked nice on you, you are one that I look up to.

From the one who disappeared, but seemed to have a bit of trouble in the beginning- I am SO glad you are doing better. You deserve it– your sister isn’t the only one who is climbing mountains, you are one that I look up to. ❤

From previous management that was there when I started, I hope you are safe, happy, not weighed down by your dad who seems to be too much at times (at least from what I’ve witnessed), and enjoying sun somewhere, even if it isn’t Florida. It was always smiles from every single worker when you were there. You are a natural leader, I look up to you. 

To the new girls who started this fall, you’re all hard workers and seem to be really sweet.

However, the new store management and jerks who don’t believe in my power to bounce back, can kiss it.

Love,

Nat

 

Fresh Rose Review

This has grown on me.

It started out with me being ecstatic to use it because it smells like roses (one of my favorite things / scents) and then turned into me questioning it.

Yes, I read reviews before buying it (it is about $40), and yes I also googled photos and some information before as well.

I’m not the type to just blow $40, I mean unless I was given $500 or something, which has yet to happen to me at random.

What drew me to it was that Fresh (a company originated in Italy) made it, the one that also makes the one that smells like cucumbers (Youth preserve with lotus etc. etc. very long name) which I also absolutely love– maybe even more than this one. It also has the word “hydration” in it.

On my first use of this, I had SUPER dry skin– the worst to the point where even the moisturizer seemed to pare off on the sides of my face. The absolute worst. It has slowly improved with time whereas the Fresh Lotus one made a change in my skin in a SNAP. I genuinely noticed a difference wishing the first three days whereas with this moisturizer it has taken a few weeks.

It could also very much be due to the fact that I’ve been working my a** off that created a blurred line between noticing good skin and bad.

This winter has been no friend of my skin. So in that case I went on a hunt to find a good moisturizer, I have to tell you that this one is great–but I don’t believe it does the trick for me personally. In terms of favorite moisturizer for all eternity, I have yet to discover that.

I suggest it, but I suggest trying a sample before committing to it as I say with every product ever, yet still holds true. Or if you simply cannot wait but don’t have the budget, try the Fresh Youth preserve travel size for $17.

This Fresh Rose Deep Rehydration Face Cream is moisturizing, reduces redness, has cute and simple packaging, has a fresh scent, and feels like a dream.

It comes in a glass jar (be careful, don’t drop it) with a pink-copper-metallic lid that is chic yet inviting and looks damn good sat on top of a dresser.

❤ Nat

LET’S TAlK FIFTY SHADES OF GENIUS

Okay, so it’s currently 12:30 AM.

The video came out at 12:00 AM EST time.

I WAS PREPARED IF YOU COULDN’T TELL.

This due to the fact that I haven’t heard new music from Taylor Swift in ages and it was DUE with everything that’s happened in my life lately, this song hits pretty close to home.

Now, I want to talk about the video because I have a theory. I’m not sure what the director meant to do with the changing colors, but I have an idea, hear me out.

So you know that song “red” Taylor Swift wrote for her album “Red” back in 2012 right? Okay, well the album is heart-cuttingly beautiful in the sense that it grabs your soul by the suspenders and feels as if Taylor Swift has just thrown her heart out on the line, and taken all of ours with it.

The song RED has the line:

“Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red”

I believe red stands for passion or love.

Green stands for jealousy, although not mentioned in Swift’s song “red,” but has been mentioned on a tour where she describes the color green as jealousy which people tend to do anyhow.

And blue stands for sad and upsetting emotions where you know you need to let go but can’t bring yourself to.

 

 

Now, in the video it begins with Zayn coming out of a fancy car in the rain as press jump up his ass to get a photo(figure of speech), and it’s simply him walking through a building facing the casual things (such as photography ninjas) artists sadly face these days.

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As he strolls into the elevator the green begins to change to red as he sings the line “I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home” in Swift’s direction as the camera turns toward towards her and red filters between them before it turns to green right as Swift’s line begins.

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“I’m sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind,” and changes to red as
“Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life,” is sung–  “oh” the last word being green before becoming a regular camera setting with no mood lighting involved as Swift reflect’s on the nights she’s stayed up restless.

 

*Entering the room of Zayn is Swift ooo here we go*

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Red comes in flashes now as she sings certain words that suggest certain things. If you know what I MEAN. Although it could potentially be nothing like that, but considering it’s a song written for a fifty shade of grey movie…

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She pours wine and picks petals off of white roses (a symbol for true love, not red which I thought was the other way around).

“Until you come back home” is sung by Zayn and now the blue appears right before Swift’s line “I’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places”

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They then proceed to reflect on their relationship, Zayn looks to be holding a letter or photographs which he end up tossing across the room while Swift has her moment in the bathroom taring at herself in the mirror most likely thinking “girl what are you doing.”

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“What is happening to me”is when the blue comes into play again, in flashes along with red for less time.

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Zayn is then seen sitting in that sort of crouched position where shit has hit the fan and you feel like crying but you can’t cry sort of vibe as the light flashes blue.

The real kicker is as they sing the line “I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home” repeatedly, light flashing red, normal coloring, and blue. They are turned away from each other in every scene with blue and red suggesting they can’t deal with the emotions which are going haywire.

 

 

At the very end, the lights are still flashing red and blue whilst instead of turned away, they are looking right at each other.

 

 

 

Phonecase Love

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If you want a great, quality phone case I highly suggest this one from Etsy. Not only because of the new “Beauty and the Beast” film (featuring Emma Watson) coming to theaters soon, but because it’s freaking gorgeous and everyone needs something to protect their phone. Why not use style?

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IMG_8486.jpgThe one I just received (my first ever purchase on Etsy by the way, not including the countless hours I’ve spent scrolling through it in the past) mirrors a stain glass red rose, on a blue background which seeps into black towards the bottom and around the edges of the case. When looking closely at it there are miniscopic sparkles scattered throughout making it look all the more beautiful too.

With a rating of four and a half stars and 117 reviews, their page is at least worth taking a look at.

Along with this phone case, there are plenty of other options from this seller alone. Even better? There is currently a 24 hour flash sale cutting the price from $19.95 to $11.05– amazing. I suggest running to your laptop or phone now.

Oh, and coolest thing of all– It’s shipped from FRANCE.