Category Archives: Writing

I should tell you

I could tell you I thought of you when asked who stood out to me.

I could tell you, you were the first name that came to mind.

I could tell you that I wish I took the ride you offered me back to my dorm.

I could tell you I wish I joined the debate team like you had suggested.

I could tell you, the little time we spent together means more to me now, maybe even just as it did then.

I could tell you that your arrogance annoyed me to my core, even if you have a right to air it.

I could tell you that I found it un-shocking, you staring at my chest after I told you I had no bra on. Pervert.

I could tell you every time I saw your name pop up it made my smile do the same.

I could tell you I always wished to see you around, never dreaming I actually would, only to find those dreams come to life.

I could tell you that for the little time I’ve known you, I’ve felt like I’ve known you forever.

I could tell you that it scares me, liking someone so much when they barely know I exist.

I could tell you it’s just another day, and you don’t cross my mind as often as I bet you’d like.

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Make it count

I could sit and be a downer, but who does that help? Definitely not me, and definitely not anyone else.

Sometimes it takes a series of downs to get yourself back on track. Once you feel you’ve hit down after down, there’s all the reason to try something new and fail at it because what do you have to lose?

Right?

Make it count. Make all the bad days count towards your greatest day and know that there’s no where your life can go besides up.

Disheartening

I thought you were the one that was going to love me when no one else could.

I thought you were the spark in my step that lit up my old 16 year old thoughts.

You were the guy that was supposed to always be there, because you genuinely wanted to be.

But maybe that doesn’t turn out to be you after all.

Maybe there’s someone better out there, that’s the only thing I can think of now that you’ve disappeared.

I wish you left differently, but you decided I wasn’t even worth respecting.

How disheartening.

Sometimes

Love is complicated.

Sometimes it’s exactly what you think it is, until it’s not, and then you’re left wondering what went wrong.

Sometimes you meet the perfect person and then they get lost in someone else.

Sometimes you meet the perfect person and they turn out to not be as perfect as you hoped.

But isn’t that the point of love?

To stick around when things are tough, to be there when your person wants to just be listened to, to care, even when you feel like you could care less?

Love is complicated, and love is perfect.

I’ve come to know both of those in the midst of loosing myself among wanting to know them.

Groceries and Working Out

I’m trying to eat healthier. Last year around march I started working out and eating better and it made a world of a difference for me. Not only did it feel good because my body felt good, but it lowered my anxiety and just made everything else seem easier.

I’m not saying drop everything and eat fruit instead, but incorporating more fruits, veggies, and even yogurt can help your body feel and be it’s best.

I recently gained a lot of weight and was thinking about how last year I felt so powerful so I decided I was going to start eating better again at least, and slowly building up my workout again.

This is what I got from the grocery store today, for anyone that’s curious. Healthier is a better word than healthy I guess. 😉

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Here you’ll find:

eggs

potatoes

asparagus

silk yogurt; blueberry and strawberry

blueberries

raspberries

pineapple

goldfish

silk almond milk

shrimp

pork chops

cherry tomatoes

strawberry kiwi snapple X2

life cereal

What’s in my bag

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these and I’ve transitioned from shoulder bags to backpacks recently too. Here is what’s in my bag:

1. A book

2. A notebook

3. Gum

4. Rollerball perfume

5. The basics of makeup: Concealer, blush, mascara, lipgloss

6. Lip balm

7. Gingerbread squishy

8. Pen

9. Charger / charger case

10. Wallet

11. Primer water (life saver for long days)

12. A nail polish

13. Headphones (not pictured)

What’s in your bag?

Love,

Nat 💖

My final class

Today I started my final class of my final semester of college (university, for European people) and let me tell you PRAISE ALL THAT IS GOOD.

What’s good, I can’t wait to graduate.

I’m pumped.

But what really is on my mind is that this last semester I had a mental breakdown. A real one. Found myself nearly having a panic attack in the middle of a city I didn’t know because I my bumper just hit another cars bumper. Barely even a scratch, yet things just flipped way way upside down.

I’ve made mistakes, but this by far was my biggest one.

However, some might call it a mistake, I call it something that was meant to happen. It really pulled my family together too, they didn’t realize (well, my sister did the most) just how stressful things were getting to me.

And that’s when I realizded I was hiding it.

Fake “yeah I’m fine’s” in a high pitched tone to sound upbeat, smiling when inside I was screaming “don’t go” when they would leave to make the journey home.

I love my family, missed my family, and now more than ever I know how much they love me just as much as I love them.

Well, rah rah I could go on and on, but I need to touch on this whole bundle of feelings I experienced.

There was definite confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, and even some happiness… but what stood out to me was my anxiety.

It became a problem I couldn’t run away from anymore, and with this I finally found a solution to these nerves that I couldn’t control.

I urge anyone who feels anxious to simply talk to friends, or if like me, talk to a counselor if there are few close friends. It helps SO MUCH. You can event talk to me if you want, I’m all ears.

Love,

Nat 💖

Everyday makeup

I’m unsure if people are still into watching everyday makeup tutorials or seeing what someone likes a lot that they wear on their face everyday, but I still do, so, thought maybe someone would be curious to see what I might wear when I do an entire face of makeup.

1. Clinique dramatically different lotion

2. Fenty beauty primer

3. Panda brightening under eye base

4. Maybelline fit me dewy foundation

5. Too faced multiuse sculpting concealer

6. Supercat liquid liner

7. Great lashes lots of love mascara

7. Mini benefit hoola bronzer

8. Tarte blush in natural beauty

9. Wander Catch the light highlighter in ivory

10. Burt’s bees cucumber mint lip balm

11. L’Oréal lipstick in 985

12. Smashbox primer water

what

What about the coca-cola and sprite?

what about the weird messages on the tv?

what about “the queen”podcast thing?

what about the dog with your name?

what about all the songs i played only so he could hear them?

what about the book I picked up on my 22nd birthday on accident?

what about the Romeo to my Juliet?

what about the person to my person?

 

 

 

What about everything happening for a reason?