Category Archives: Writing

I wish he liked me back

I could be sad and sit here and think about a boy.

I could be sad and remember the few moments I had with him.

I could think back on the last few moments we had, seeing each other.

I could flashback to my ex and cringe, yet look at him and thank god I met someone like him.

I could be upset he has someone else that looks at him as if the world is in his eyes.

I could be upset that he’ll never look in my eyes and see the world.

I could love him with my whole heart, but he will never love me back.

I could try to replace him with guys I date, but nothing will do that.

I could sit here and type out 15 reasons why we could work, but that doesn’t mean we ever will.

God, I  wish he liked me back.

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Changes in Thoughts

I used to think I wanted to get married at 27 or 30, but the more I stop and think about it now, I wouldn’t mind being married earlier in life. Sure I’m only 22, but that means more time to spend with the one I love.

Kids, now, Kids I definitely want to wait until I’m 30. No doubt there, just straight up what I feel.

I think these feelings change once you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I mean, sometimes you don’t know what you’re feeling until you feel it. Everything will happen in time though, I’m in no rush.

Conquering Chloe: Chapter 8

Madelyn greets us with a smirk, a backhanded compliment about my outfit, and surprisingly a nice one about my mom.

“Your mom’s really sweet, too bad you didn’t take on that characteristic,” she says.

I sit in silence, I was always told it’s better to ignore the bullies. And while Madelyn didn’t scare me, I still wanted to remain quiet so she wouldn’t get the worst of me.

As I contemplate responding back with a clever remark I see Hayden across the cafeteria in the lunch line holding chips, he raises his hand asking if I want some. I shake my head. Madelyn catches glimpse of this and says “I thought you were anorexic, anorexic people don’t eat chips.” I thought to myself “this girl really is a piece of work.”

Kelsey slaps her hand on the table and says “get up now” to Madelyn, who trots away with that same smirk she showed with.

Kelsey says “That bit**–” before Hayden sits at the table to the left of ours, tossing a bag of Cheeto puffs my way. I nod my head to say thank you, despite wanting to take the bag and throw it’s contents at Madelyn.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s just angry Max is into you.”

“I think you’re delerious” I say to Kelsey with a giggle.

************

“Hey” comes from behind me on the bus, it’s Max.

I just stare.

“So I saw you talking to Madelyn today, could it have involved someone like me?”

“Why would we be talking about you?” I question quickly.

“I don’t know, isn’t that what you girls do? Gossip and talk about guys?”

“Unlike your pre-conceived notions, I beg to differ. We weren’t talking about you, don’t stay up too late figuring out the details” I respond back.

Getting off the bus at my stop I don’t even turn around to look at him, I walk straight off, and as fast as I can past my friendly neighbors house.

Surprisingly, he’s not home. Sometimes his mom picks him up. Halfway down the street I notice a green jeep headed my way, I thought nothing of it until the passenger stopped near me. Tilting his sunglasses and squinting his eyes, Hayden says “haven’t seen you in a while” while I’m stood in disbelief he’s driving this car.

I continue walking.

He puts it in reverse.

“Hey, I can give you a ride you know…”

“What the seven houses I have left to walk by? I think I can manage.”

“Suit yourself.”

Hayden rolls up his window and drives away. What does he think? That I’m going to just get in his car? For all I know he’s driving it illegally.

An hour after I get home I hear a knock on the door, I open it to find a note on the steps. “Come here” it reads.

“Come where?” I question out loud with a dazed look on my face. And then I see it, parked near my driveway is Hayden’s new ride. Although, this time it has no doors on it.

“Just what are you doing here?” I ask the empty car.

AHHHHHHHH. He jumps out of the bush to the right of me, scaring me half to death.

I nearly punch him in the arm and gesture with my hands “ah, you idiot!”

“I want to take you somewhere,” he says.

I pause, then shrug my shoulders, I’ll take a chance.

The seatbelts don’t work. “What is this? How am I going to be safe,” I ask.

“You won’t, that’s the catch” he says as he begins to drive off while I scream, holding onto the dashboard for dear life.

 

 

There has to be more

“Maybe I’m just not meant to find true love” she thinks as she begins to feel water prickling the corners of her eyes. Swiping on a dating site left left left on everyone she sees she looses all hope. “How could he see me as just friends” she thinks. Clutching her heart she holds her breath, anxious to get to sleep knowing she’d have to sleep with a heavy heart. “There has to be more than this.” I deserve better. I deserve a man who wants to get to know me before he decides I’m friend material. I deserve a man who cooks for me and let’s me cook for him in return. I deserve a man who texts back in a timely fashion rather than hours later. I deserve a man who wants to give me the world because he saw the world in my eyes. I deserve better. I deserve BETTER. And I can’t sugarcoat it, it hurts like a fucking Bitxh right now, and there’s no one to hold me. Why’d he cuddle with me if he only saw friendship! Why’d he take me out and order me fries if he knew that was all it was? It’s too early to tell that I am friendship material!! Damn bastard. I shouldn’t be loosing sleep over some narcissistic asshole that’s not actually a narcissistic asshole (completely) all because he said we’d be better as friends. I’m hurt, bitch I am HURT. Begs the question, am I going to be stuck single forever? God, I hope not. I can’t find someone that loves me repeats in my head and I’m forced to shake hands with the fact that it could possible never happen. What a load of shit. What a LOAD of shit. What I didn’t realize was that all that time that was spent was basically an audition to be a part of your life. BUTTHOLE.

Gutted

I’m broken hearted because a girl in my class got the job I really really wanted over me. She was talking about it before class, I choked back my wonderings to say congratulations and then when it came to her talking to the teacher about it I got up, and left.

I thought I wanted nothing to do with photojournalism anymore, but I don’t want to give up. All this has made me realize is that I really really want to pursue photojournalism in the future and I need to grin up and bare it.

I’ll be returning to the job I’ve been at for the last four years until I can find a means to make a living at. The end of college is NEAR and while I’ve waited for it, for what feels like forever, I still feel this anxiety about it.

And even if I never hear back, at least I know I’m decent at taking pictures of products and can try to start something with that.

Love you guys, pray for me,

Nat 💖

Random thought

For some reason taking pictures of other people makes me more nervous than if I’m getting my picture taken. Maybe it has to do with the need of not wanting to let people down, and when it’s me in front of the camera, it’s just me… I don’t know. Random thoughts, carry on.

i was not

I was not put on this earth for choosing

I did not read until the break of day for nothing

I have not lied under pressure

I did not go through what I went through for nothing

I was not, ever, trying to steal you, with bad intentions

My everyday makeup

This is my current everyday makeup 🙂

1. It cosmetics confidence in a cream

2. Benefit porefessioanl primer

3. Too faves born this way foundation – snow

4. Maybelline age rewind concealer – ivory

5. L’Oréal true match powder

6. L’Oréal lash paradise mascara

7. The balm scwing liquid liner

8. Physicians formula butter bronzer

9. Milani blush – coral cove

10. Cover girl vitalist healthy glow highlighter

11. Dior lip glow – rose gold