Tag Archives: you

Dear October: Good Paths That Never Stop

I wish there was some kind of book or guide on being 21… but there isn’t.

That’s a GOOD thing.

Living up to normal standards all the time is exactly how new ones are never made.

Why should you do what everyone else is doing and not what you want to do?

Why should you worry your life away about not having money when there are a million ways to live happily without it?

I’m not going to say the regular, “compare your life to someone beneath you and you’ll find they are much happier” thing or the “rich people may seem like they have everything, but they don’t really because where’s the real love” that has probably been said 50 times.

But, what I will say is that there is NO rule book to being 21. There is NO rule book on LIFE, for that matter.

Everyone makes decisions which lead them on and on and on into the future…. there are people before you, and people after you.

The world doesn’t stop.

It never stops.

It turns, and turns, and turns, creating the happiest and most devastating moments in every single persons every day lives.

As dreadful of a day you’re having, it could be someones best.

As amazing as the day is, there will be some point where it will take a tubmle…

But does that mean you should dread the happiness you’re experiencing now, only to realize you’ll be hurt later?

NO.

Create the life you want, live the life you want, do what YOU want.

Do not sweat the small stuff, the past, the future, the side-eyes or back-talk.

Do what YOU want, what YOU love, what YOU know you are here for a reason to do.

You’re young, you’re 21, you have a whole blank canvas in front of you that you have the ability of morphing into whatever way you please.

You are meant to live one life, that is you’re own and no one else’s as much as you may wish you were living someone else’s or someone else wishes you were living theirs…

Every path you’ve ever been on has been a good path whether or not you’re still at the top of them.

There is no right way, there is no rule book, there are no guarantees in life, but there damn well is the decision to follow who YOU want to be and BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU WANT TO DO with your life.

You’re 21, you practically just started living.

Love,

Nat

I Know, I’m Impossible

You want to know something?

I’ve felt pretty alone (I did have my family, so not entirely) since I was about 16.

Normally, I would say the last couple of years but I need to face reality.

I haven’t been living my life to the fullest.

I’m 20 years old now.

20 years old- the time for a new decade.

I want to make it fun to look back on, not sad.

I’m not a sad person, I know I’m not. I’ve had moments that were really bad where I’ve cried or felt broken for days, so at least I know I’m human.

However, everyone has obstacles.

For me one of the obstacles is loving who I am. I do, but in public I’m incredibly shy so I choose to pretend as if I’m invisible to avoid confrontation and embarrassing the hell out of myself.

But, the thing that builds character is going through these moments. The embarrassing, sad, random moments the universe throws at us.

At least I can say I’ve always tried to handle them in a mature way.

But, sometimes we need to take the route of maturity, not the high road necessarily, but the smart way.

I never want anyone to feel miserable, and I know that I can keep that promise along with one to myself, to just be myself and sometimes letting other people take care of me.

I know, I’m impossible.

But what 20 year olds life doesn’t feel impossible?

There have been some people that in some way, somehow, understand me. And to those people, thank you.

Love,

Nat

2017 hopes

“How could I be so foolish…”

Something I’ve asked myself quite a few times this year.

In lack of sleep, in 2nd or 7th chances, in letting the the best of me cower behind a facade because I’m too afraid people won’t accept me, for me.

Yes, it’s 1 am as I’m typing this, yes I’m going to hit the pillow afterwards (a form of expression), damn sleep deprivation.

But, I am 100 percent finding myself this year.

I am without a doubt doing that already and have been for the past few months, I have to say that in doing so I’ve realized some aren’t as accepting while others are elated.

I don’t know what to say besides the fact that 2017 is, and has already proven to be my year.

I hope you have a great one too. 🙂

Bullies

I remember back in high school going to the school auditorium and hearing my principal say “old friends are not school bullies. School bullies are the ones who physically abuse and throw you against a locker, not a silly fight that has you crying one day.”

 

Now, let me tell you that a fire was lit inside me during this very moment.

 

What people fail to realize is that a bully is a bully. The worst betrayal comes from the ones you would never expect it from; the ones you love, the ones you share inside jokes with, maybe even secrets.

 

For someone to deliberately attempt to make another’s life a living hell for no reason is beyond my understanding.

 

What I do understand, is that bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and stuck up noses.

 

It is not fair to pin the “pretty girl” as the bully.

 

It is not fair to pin “the one with a hard life at home” as the bully.

 

It is not fair to pin “the shy quiet one” as a bully when the only time they ever spoke was in defense of themselves.

 

If you are a person who has been a bully, and I mean full on jerk to another human being— it’s never too late to change and become a kind one.

 

And if you are a person who has been bullied, know that the bully has no power over you. It hurts, but take the high road and don’t mind them as much as you can. Yes, it is impossible sometimes when they push you into a locker, shout at you from the top of a staircase, and call your phone on “accident” a year or so after no contact.

 

It’s important to know that no matter what happens in your life, as long as you get back up you won’t fail. If YOU keep your head up, you won’t fail. If you don’t let childish remarks from others hurt you, you won’t fail.

 

It is most important to remember that the days when it does inevitably get to you—cry it out. Eat the ice cream. Hug your dog. Teenage years aren’t the Bain of your existence.

 

Even as you grow older there will be competition and believe it or not grown-ups who act just as childish as the bullies back in high school.

 

Don’t let these people deter you from loving yourself.

 

Do whatever makes you happy, read whatever story makes you laugh, eat a big fat piece of chocolate cake because that tends to do the trick—just do whatever you can to distance yourself from their negativity.

 

It is their negativity, not yours.

 

Love,

 

Nat

A first 

There was a wedding tonight for my gorgeous cousin Amelia, I have a few photos, they are on my camera and will be uploaded asap (the latest will be Monday)– in the meantime here are a few photos I took with my phone. Enjoy.❤️14468239_10211048277346581_206707809896738731_o.jpg14445066_10211048276346556_3967579962609990550_o.jpg14481902_10211048276186552_3185248194292710316_o.jpg14435278_10211048274746516_5091857961897216022_o.jpg14524620_10211048278386607_3973218655818879386_o.jpg14542411_10211048278026598_4506772862551191271_o.jpg14468200_10211048279866644_6941259316908200815_o.jpg14543673_10211048282146701_696247517199814154_o.jpg

Let’s talk about love.

I want to talk about love for a second. No, I am not an expert on love, that is an absolute fact. However, I know what it feels like, and I know what it shouldn’t feel like.

I know some of the people reading this may be going through a break up, in a new relationship, in a four year relationship, there are many different possibilities. Whatever the case may be, I just feel the need to tell you what I believe love to be, and to help anyone questioning whether they are in it or not, or feel they should be for that matter.

First and foremost: it does not matter if you are in a relationship right now or not. **The first step to loving anyone else is loving yourself first**

What love should feel like:

  1. When you love someone, their happiness makes you happy, their sadness gets you a bit down and so on. But, that in no way should mean you take it to heart and they rip you up from the insides due to their imbalance of emotions.
  2. The overwhelming feeling of butterflies when you see them or think of them, yet comfortable when you’re with them.
  3. You’re always smiling.
  4. You push each other to be the best version of yourselves. There’s no belittling eachothers ideas or dreams in order to keep the other person around.
  5. When you say you love them, you mean it 100%.
  6. You write about them.
  7. They look at you when you’re not looking at them in a way as if to say you’re the only thing they see. and when you catch them, they smile and look away.
  8. You get excited when you think of the littelest memory– For instance, when they sat down next to you when they could’ve sat by their friend on the other side of the room when given a chance.
  9. You want the best for them, even if the best isn’t you.
  10. You still love them after they’ve gotten a haircut (sounds bad, but some people are only into other people for their looks. Shocker, right? You want to make sure that’s not you)
  11. You think about them every day and wonder how they are doing.
  12. They dont leave you to fight your own battles when you need them. You may say you don’t need them, and you may be angry when they try to help, yet they stick around because they know you need them whether you want to admit it or not.
  13. They do sweet things to cheer you up, bring ice cream when your sick or a pacski on fat tuesday.
  14. they don’t change the station when you’re favorite song is on that they aren’t too fond of. Instead, they crank the volume up and give you a “what I do for you” look instead.
  15. They make you feel like all the heart pains you’ve felt before were worth it.
  16. They respond right away to a text, email, phone call, etc. That’s just common courtesy though too.
  17. They NEVER comment on your weight unless asked a question.
  18. They play songs that make you happy when you’re sad.
  19. They lay with you when you have your monthly enemy and give you chocolate. (okay, this is just a nice thing, what girl wouldn’t want this. Actually funny, because this was me but then one day he did and I oddly felt better).
  20. When you see them for the first time in a while they pick you up in a hug.
  21. They write you a note every once in a while to tell you you’re one of the nicest people they’ve ever known. And you believe it.
  22. They sit and read a book with you.
  23. You’re comfortable in silence.
  24. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care.
  25. They bring you soup when you’re sick.
  26. They do little things for you that make it feel like you have everything.
  27. You can feel in your soul that this person understand you. You’re quirks, sense of humor, thoughts, and all.
  28. You want to look good for them. You’re all about looking good for yourself, but in this case you want to look good so they know how good you can look and that you cared enough to not throw on sweats for once.
  29. They dont care that you like cartoons and disney movies, they will gladly watch them with you.
  30. They don’t care if you would rather sit and play a whole 22 levels of a knock-off Donkey Kong game instead of go out to dinner, they will gladly sit there and watch you play it (you also ask them to play, of course, no rudeness here).
  31. When you look at them you feel like you’re home.
  32. They make you laugh. If a person can make their crush genuinely laugh, that is a great sign.

 

What love shouldnt feel like:

  1. A relationship should never feel like a constant battle.
  2. You should not rely on them–or any other person– for your own happiness.
  3. They should never be mean to you. Whether its once in a while or you see it becoming more everyday, there should be no competitions or intentional physical or emotional harming. Ever.
  4. You hear the words “I love you” and your gut (ALWAYS listen to your gut, I can’t stress this enough) tells you something isn’t right.
  5. You don’t write about them.
  6. WHEN EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DO ANNOYS YOU.
  7. .They buy ice cream for themselves and send you a photo knowing you are sick. They do this with a lot of things come to think of it.
  8. They say your “boney” after saying you were getting “chubby in the thighs” months prior, and claim it was a joke.*Flashback to “Love Actually” when Natalie was telling Hugh Grant about her ex and sadly, this is a legitimate thing some guys do and say thinking its okay).
  9. They only act kind and care about you when their friends are around.
  10. They don’t say sorry. Instead, they flip the situation around on you, so you then reflect two hours later and feel like a hopeless idiot when in reality this is their little manipulative magic trick.
  11. They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care. But if you ever say one thing about yourself, they pretend to fall asleep and/ or change the topic.
  12. When they seem to pay the most attention to you its when you’re wearing legginggs or any kind of clothing that shows off you’re shape for once.
  13. They whine when they don’t get something they want. I’m not talking a cute whine, I’m talking about flat out “whhhyyyyyy” the kind of things little boys do, and then throw a fit.

**Disclaimer: I’m in no way saying I know exactly what love is or that these are the only tell-tale signs the person you’re in a relationship with is a yes or no… genuinely just wanted to share my view on a few good and/or bad signs the s/o could be dodging or bringing to your attention.**

Don’t worry if he turns out to be an asshole. No, you arent stupid, and no, hes not the last guy that will ever find you attractive in everything you do. It takes a lot of steps to get past heartbreaks. but you’ll meet the right one, this is just the journey leading up to it. Sometimes, especially if their an asshole, the relationship wont be as hard as you thought to get over.

All the people prior to finding that one person, they are lessons. Take what you like and didn’t like from those relationships and keep it stored in the back of your mind for later. No guy is the same, don’t compare every guy you meet to previous relationships, don’t work based off a mental checklist, but take these things as steps and tics as to what you’re looking for or in need of.

Also, there is NEVER a good time for a break-up, ever. There is always a birthday, a holiday, or some sort of festivitiy. The right thing to do is to not lead them on, not everyone knows the right thing. Sometimes its hard to do the right thing when being put in a position where one may feel powerless, but it will take a giant weight off your chest that you may not have known you were carrying.

If you’ve been under countless stress, back and forths with yourself, sleepless nights filled with tears, etc. know that you are worth more than that. There is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you. It will shock you when you actually meet them, but it happens when you least expect it. They are waiting just around the corner.

Love, Nat