I get a call asking me where I am, why I haven’t shown up for work.
I am home.
I am happy.
I am in my car, with my mom, going to pick up my sister from work, and no stress whatsoever.
I’ve just watched “A dog’s purpose.”
Not the best emotional state, but definitely not putting up with these so called “responsibilities” I was never notified about to begin with.
Especially considering I was under the impression I was terminated from my job.
The job that I work 100 percent at every single day, the job that I get truck done (shipments sent to the store weekly) 70% faster than everyone else, the job where I give everyone smiles and respect unless a bad vibe is inevitably present. The job where I take a photo of the schedule every single time I am there, yet due to not being present for a while was unable to do so and was told she would be called if needed and that it was “nothing personal,” although we both know it was.
Even then, I still smile sometimes in hopes of the small chance they’ll smile back.
Offended doesn’t even begin to explain my feelings as I speak to my coworkers, people who used to love me, people I used to talk to and laugh with, who now look at me with a hint of disdain.
Or at least, that’s how it feels.
Not even a goodbye back as I head out the door.
I question it all, as I continue the job I’m supposed to do.
One day a week due to school swarming me, I was unable to do what I could the year before and during the summer which was 3 or 4 days during the year, and almost every day during the summer.
The first day feeling of spring in the air, with 60 degree weather and not a cloud in the sky– has turned to rain in my mind.
Due to something so unbelievably stupid.
I’ve seen many people come and go through my almost two years at this establishment, but it didn’t occur to me that maybe some were pushed out.
Or voluntarily left, because it became much more difficult under the thumb of new store management.
It got complicated– we all have lives, but don’t we all have sympathy as well?
I am not lazy. I have bad days.
I am not a slacker, I try to balance everything at once.
I am not a slow learner, I learn quickly but due to lack of sleep not as comprehensive at times–few times for that matter.
I am not a person who takes malarkey that’s thrown my way. If I know you are lying–
I will call you out.
Boss or not.
If you know me, you know that I care.
You know that I have a shy nature with glimpses of an outgoing presence.
This gives the impression of being a snob or conceited at times, but it is far from reality.
There are times when I’m way too sorry, when I’m way too lenient, when I’m way too nice– but do not mistake that for weakness.
You never want to mistake kindness for weakness.
But when something does ding ones heart a little too bad, water will flow from my eyes like a waterfall, especially when deceived regardless of whether or not I knew I was being treated like putty.
I am stronger than this.
I am worth more than this.
I can do better than this.
Someone came in today who used to work with me– she is doing much better, and let me tell you she was not in her best form before starting this new job. She is happier, she is smiling, she looks damn good, she ain’t lost it (had to reference Beyoncé’s song).
I don’t intend to lose it either.
I haven’t yet, why the hell would I now?
I want to see the world and I will not get the thought of a chance, if I continue with where I am now.
I deserve better, just as my coworkers deserve better– they are all amazing people.
From the one who looks like she’s in college yet in reality has been married forever with a teenage son, isn’t a huge fan of tampa, and has gave me the mystery machine hot wheels car before someone else grabbed it, you are one that I look up to, and slightly idolize.
From the one who also looks like she’s in college, and drinks her coffee like a Gilmore to have time to spend with her 3 year old daughter and play video games, one that I look up to.
From the one who I didn’t meet until last year, he gave me a free mascara that ended up being top-notch by the way, if he ever reads this. He is the life of the party, and one that I look up to.
From the one who is never not sarcastic, and knocks people over for fun (not in a bad way)–literally. The one that helped me out when he could, which was really nice, maybe I was too dependent at times. One that I look up to.
From the one who I only ever say “hello” to when I walk through the door but works in a different section of the store and is always complimented by the elderly who can’t remember his name, I look up to you.
From the one who was terminated or quit, that came back then left again, I hope you and your fiancé (or now husband) are doing well, I look up to you, even if you’re only a few years older.
From the one who never failed to put a smile on my face that gave me a near heart attack when mentioning a stomach issue– I’m glad you’re feeling better. I look up to you.
From the one who is chatty, and makes everyone chatty too even if they’ve had a blue day, you are gorgeous, funny, and remind me of a friend.
From the one who liked early mornings would talk politics and english with me– you are so flawless and sometimes it seems like you don’t even know it. Never ever let someone make you feel inferior because you are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my life.
From the one who wore flowers in her hair, you are so kind and cheery, you are one that I look up to.
From the one I din’t see too often but reminded me of Ryan Gosling, you’re pretty cool, just keep being you, I look up to you.
From the new guy who always seems a bit bland, I’m sure you are super funny, and your also a hard worker, I look up to you.
From the one I met one day that I never got to know because you work in a different section, you are amazing and it’s a shame we never knew each other better because I think we’d have been good friends, I look up to you.
From the one who walked home with me a few times (even though you have a skateboard which is freaking amazing) that I told about Safe Trek, you seem really awesome, I look up to you.
From the guy who’s my age that got married, I have no clue what happened to you but I hope you are well and still swimming no matter the outcome of one event, you are one that I look up to.
From the one who was gone unexpectedly as I returned for the school year, I hope you love your new job and still carry all the wisdom you gave me. Btw, the blonde wig looked nice on you, you are one that I look up to.
From the one who disappeared, but seemed to have a bit of trouble in the beginning- I am SO glad you are doing better. You deserve it– your sister isn’t the only one who is climbing mountains, you are one that I look up to. ❤
From previous management that was there when I started, I hope you are safe, happy, not weighed down by your dad who seems to be too much at times (at least from what I’ve witnessed), and enjoying sun somewhere, even if it isn’t Florida. It was always smiles from every single worker when you were there. You are a natural leader, I look up to you.
To the new girls who started this fall, you’re all hard workers and seem to be really sweet.
However, the new store management and jerks who don’t believe in my power to bounce back, can kiss it.