Tag Archives: may

***This was written in early May or late April I believe. I just found it on my phone. Don’t look too deeply into this please… Just me getting my thoughts out at the time.*** 
You’ve got it
engrained in my mind That I’m just someone occupying your time 

If you really love me why did it take you a month until I said something to realize all your things were gone

Now I’m lying in my bed wondering where it all went wrong 
But I know the answer 

We weren’t there we weren’t there 

I was just a girl to replace her 

You’ll find one to replace me too

That’s just what you do, that’s just what people do 
Well it hurts my heart

And I’m falling apart 

Was I ever really falling together 

All it felt like was rainy weather 

You’d let me go knowing I didn’t feel the same 

Happy like I was when you picked me up for our date 

Then you question why I’m mad as I leave 

As soon as I grabbed the door you turned the key 

Wait for me 

Wait for me 

Don’t wait for me 

I can’t breathe 
Our relationship was founded on me not wanting to be alone 

For that I’m sorry 

But along the way as I grew fond 

You faded away 

That was my mistake 

No, that was our mistake. 
I found our photos in the back of the left drawer 

I didn’t hang them on the wall

Maybe that was a sign then after all

 the second I thought I should 

You decided you weren’t in this 

As I sit on the floor I contemplate if there’s even something to miss 
You and I both know there is. 

But I wonder who’s memories are better 

You say yours are 

But you couldn’t remember me after December 

The last 3 outta 4 months have been nothing but bad 

You said 

After telling me you love me 

After telling me you don’t want to leave 

After saying I could trust you 

After saying it was me you want to keep 

“Yet give it 12 days you’ll get over it 

If I decide I want to let you go”

But honey, this is a two way road. 
After I told you the last straw, was the last straw 

And I had to stick to my word where it didn’t belong 

I tried to get out you pulled my arm…

And god I wanted to love you 

So badly it physically hurts 

But I can’t let someone have so much power over me 

When bridges have been burnt you can’t force someone to love you 

Or yourself to love someone else 

That’s why my feelings always got placed on a shelf

The fear that it was the wrong person or that I was the Wrong person 
When i decide I want to love you, I get a reason not to
This time was worse 

This time it was my own name I cursed 

I can’t take back my word 

I can’t take back my word 

I said as you stared me down 

“Oh look, the building across the street is finished now”

I tried to lighten the mood 

It was too far gone 

And you know what else, we never found a song. 
Maybe it’s time we move along 

We both know it’s best to move along 

But you want to hold on 

And I want to hold on, at least until I can write a good song 

I love you, I really do 

But it’s something in the way you try to sooth 
For the first time I cry, for you to see just what’s happened to me. 

I’m not perfect, but neither are you.

Although you had no idea what to do. 

You put your hand on my knee, for a second it comforted me. 

I think I scared you though. 

You realized for me it wasn’t just words I spoke

The actions were there too

You know now that I love you 

But I can’t stay if I’m not promised you’ll do the same. 

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Despairing day in May

Today has been absolute crap.

You know those days where everything is absolutely horrible and one bad thing after another just so happens to occur to you? It’s one of those days. These days are no fun, they are draining, annoying, and downright pessimistic after a certain point.

There are times where minor things may bug you, no big deal– you brush them off. Then there are the little bugger of days when someone so much as breathes and you suddenly feel like you could spit fire and tear down a building. Okay, maybe not to that extent.

But simply put, in one way or another if you make it through the day in one piece, you’ll be playing some chill playlist, maybe reading a book, looking forwards to something, anything as simple as a coca cola you were saving for a day specifically like this– and it simply isn’t the golden ticket to the fix you needed. Or it got all messed up in the process–either way, crappy day it is and a crappy day is one you must vent about whether it be writing, ranting, or eating a pack of Oreos over.

In my case, I was woken up at 8 am on a Saturday because my sister had to go to work at 10 and the alarm on her phone was going off so much that I had to get up to turn it off five times. Not once, not twice, but five times. Now yes, I may have gone to bed at four a.m.–not the best choice. But in my defense, Grace Helbig uploaded a new video with Hannah Hart and Mammarie and if you love YouTubers as I do, you will understand my reasons. After I finally got back to sleep at ten am (yes, 10 am) my Dad knocks on the door complaining about finding a job (the typical pointless parent rant we’ve all heard before with the classic “back when I was your age.” When I already have one might I add. So I shove off driving in my sisters car (which I have never driven before but had to drive it around the block a few times in order to get the jist of it) out and about hoping with all my might it doesn’t break down. Guess what happened? Plot twist: it didn’t break down.

Later in the day when I managed to pick up my sister from work, she get’s in the car and proceeds to tell me how bad of a driver I am simply because she had a busy day at work. How rude (Michelle tanner voice activate). I love my family to pieces, don’t get me wrong. But those specific days when every single member of the family including the dog seems to be in a mood, no amount of ice cream can fix that.

I don’t want to bore you with the rest of it, but I do however want to say if you’re having a bad day it helps to remember while you may be having the worst day of you’re life, someone out there in the world is having the best day of theirs. That should make you feel a smidge better at least. 🙂

P.s. I think I can turn it around by watching “Big hero 6” and “New Girl” reruns while eating my weight in mashed potatoes (at dinner), and peanut M&M’s haha.