Category Archives: Random

My final class

Today I started my final class of my final semester of college (university, for European people) and let me tell you PRAISE ALL THAT IS GOOD.

What’s good, I can’t wait to graduate.

I’m pumped.

But what really is on my mind is that this last semester I had a mental breakdown. A real one. Found myself nearly having a panic attack in the middle of a city I didn’t know because I my bumper just hit another cars bumper. Barely even a scratch, yet things just flipped way way upside down.

I’ve made mistakes, but this by far was my biggest one.

However, some might call it a mistake, I call it something that was meant to happen. It really pulled my family together too, they didn’t realize (well, my sister did the most) just how stressful things were getting to me.

And that’s when I realizded I was hiding it.

Fake “yeah I’m fine’s” in a high pitched tone to sound upbeat, smiling when inside I was screaming “don’t go” when they would leave to make the journey home.

I love my family, missed my family, and now more than ever I know how much they love me just as much as I love them.

Well, rah rah I could go on and on, but I need to touch on this whole bundle of feelings I experienced.

There was definite confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, and even some happiness… but what stood out to me was my anxiety.

It became a problem I couldn’t run away from anymore, and with this I finally found a solution to these nerves that I couldn’t control.

I urge anyone who feels anxious to simply talk to friends, or if like me, talk to a counselor if there are few close friends. It helps SO MUCH. You can event talk to me if you want, I’m all ears.

Love,

Nat đź’–

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Whisk Me Away – What Could’ve Been

Grab my hand and whisk me away under water.

Where no one can see us.

Where waves crash and the orange melts with the pink and the yellow in the sky… signaling its time to swim to shore.

We both stay afloat on our own.

I see his eyes lock with mine as I come up for air, almost sinking moments before.

He watches me.

I paddle around, make faces, splash water, and he just watches me.

Then BOOM.

He spreads his arms out, pulling me down to the bottom of the water; where the sand meets feet, where I meet my match.

Others find our little hideout in the middle of the sea, and he still notices me.

What am I to him?

A question I don’t bother to ask.

Screw the sea, this is our floor.

This is where it begins.

We dance our way to who is best when it comes to maneuvering around the waves.

Encouraging each other, behave.

This is the way it should be.

Drowned in each other rather than drowned in worries and fables.

He’s reached for the best of me, for so long, waited for the best of me, and I didn’t pull back this time. I’ve finally accepted that he’s all mine.

Funny Story

Today when I got on the bus, sat down, turned on Taylor Swift music until I reached my bus stop…. someone sat behind me.

This someone looked almost identical to Ed Sheeran.

Don’t get excited, it wasn’t Ed Sheeran.

It goes like this:

I sit, I listen, I get tapped on the shoulder, turn around and get asked if it was the ______ route.

I say “yes, it is. I know I used to think that too but then I realized there’s a little green sign in the front of the bus that says ____ route.” I hope I din’t sound like a bitch. But then again, he did say “sorry” at some point during the conversation so maybe I just need to accept I have that facial expression.

Instantly thought when I turned around “wow, he looks sort of like Ed Sheeran.”

Guess what?

Ed Sheeran played here tonight. Legit had a concert I completely forgot about, even though I’ve been non-stop talking about it for a couple weeks now.

Guess I was too consumed in homework and the fact that some guy that looks like Ed Sheeran was sat behind me, to notice it was the exact day that Ed Sheeran was playing in my city.

Realized this hours later, laughed, then questioned it, then thought why the hell would that have been him?

Could you imagine if it was really him though?

It wasn’t — just to clarify again. But could you imagine?

Love,

Nat

 

Ourselves

Decisions have the potential to ruin a person.

A decision on staying with someone after they’ve done you wrong.

A decision on moving across the country for something you love, instead of something practical.

A decision on throwing in the towel after you’ve had what feels like 1,000 chances on fixing a mistake that’s been eating you up inside, yet the other person may have never felt hindered by it to begin with.

It’s not easy to walk around feeling as though your holding up a sign that says ‘pity me’ while going through issues every 20-something, 40-something, or 60-something year old faces.

Life wouldn’t be fun if it was perfect– an age old fact.

Life would become boring and dull without any hardships or struggles along the way, easier however; maybe.

But easy isn’t always right.

In fact, easy is what I try to avoid.

But sometimes we need the easy way when we are too jumbled up to decipher the best plan for ourselves.

I don’t know what I’m doing right now, but I know that this will only lead to whatever giant step I’m headed towards down the line.

Thanks for listening to this randomness,

Nat

 

 

 

Instagram

“The people who have hundreds of photos on Instagram are narcissists”– I was scrolling through social media and I heard someone say this. I don’t agree…

I used to question why people had 500 or so photos themselve’s, but now I understand that it’s in a way a photo book.

Sure, some are filtered and there is now the Instagram story… but you know, it’s cool to think that 40 or so years from now we can look back and look at every moment that ever made us think “hey let me pull out my phone, take a picture, or vlog (recording video of a day) because I want to remember this.”

Not only that, but we won’t have the questions from others of “what did you look like when you were younger?” And the thoughts of “wow I wish I could remember that day” because even if we forget about a social media account, it will always be there as long as we remember it at some point.

Hear me out, I love physical copies of photos– but it’s nice to have a backup. It’s nice to pull out a phone at the drop of a hat and take a photo or video of family, an event, some random moment that made you laugh, or a city/ place you’ll never see again.

Of course, there’s always a way back, but never a way back to that specific moment. The invention of film and photography has brought the privilege of being able to reel that picture back to us.

Not just from parents perspectives, but children’s perspectives too. It’s bittersweet.

More sweet than anything– I don’t know anyone that hasn’t had the thought “wow I wish I could relive that moment for a second,” young, or old.

I for one love social media such as Instagram for this, because it truly is a giant photo book that shows a million different perspectives.

But, physical copies of photos, books, cd’s, are something that I hope never go out of style because that’s what gave social media sites their start– and we can’t forget the moments or people that gave us our start.

Love,

Natđź’–

Lush is Lovely

Guess what? I am excited for lush. I am so so so so excited for lush bath bombs.

I don’t even have a bath (at the moment, at least), but i definitley cannot get enough of the lush bath bombs.

I’ve used a total of two my entire life, but the website has me contemplating buying 10 or so, simply because they are all adorable, sound sweet smelling, and just give me that holiday festive vibe.

Here are a few (or a trillion) that I’m over the moon for:

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I’m way too excited for Christmas– to be fair this tends to start back in July for me, haha.

But who could pass up Santasaurus, honestly.

*Note: I am in no way sponsoring Lush, I’ve only ever bought 5 things from lush in my entire life… so far. ;)*

Thanks for reading,

Nat ❤