Troubling’ Trolls

We need to talk about social anxiety and having a YouTube channel not being related.

They aren’t related.

Stop expecting someone who has a YouTube channel, 12 million subscribers for instance, or someone who’s simply more comfortable talking to a camera than actual people, to be outgoing.

Look, not everyone that has the guts to make jokes and be themselves in front of no one but an electronic device is THAT comfortable with themselves OUTSIDE of that frame.

This isn’t the typical “their human, gosh guys get off their case” scenario either, this is me addressing something I’ve been wanting to for a long long time.

Social anxiety doesn’t influence talking to a camera.

It’s easy to be oneself on camera because of the lack of judgement, the ability to cut out all the awkward or unneeded moments, and it’s an odd but fun thing to do.

When surrounded by people, for someone with social anxiety or someone that knows what it’s like to have a panic attack and fears those moments in a crowd or even family event, for instance, it’s not easy.

Me, sitting in a classroom = Enormously different than me making funny lip-synching videos on snapchat or a YouTube video.

I’m in no way a big influence, at least in my videos but for those that are I see comments like:

“‘I have social anxiety’
Communicates with 12M followers every week. Lol”
or
“She’s 27 years old, what is she doing talking about anxiety and panic attacks it’s gotten old” when she literally seemed to begin the understanding for many on these feelings that are so so hard to describe to someone who’s never experienced one.
or
“Omg, she’s so clearly never had social anxiety, she’s been to a club. She goes to clubs.”
For all that person knows, they could’ve only gone 3 times in their life, and what should it matter? They’re stepping out of their comfort zone, maybe they just wanted to dance, or maybe that’s not a situation that would bring on anxiety when with a person or two they trust.
I myself have received “You’re so different in class, why are you so shy and quiet yet in front of a camera you’re the complete opposite,” more than once we’ll just say as I trace it back in my mind as far as High School even.
I can’t explain why when I’m in front of a camera, or on a stage it’s easier for me to be myself. All I know is that I’m most comfortable there.
Is it awkward if people can hear / see you speaking to a camera though? Hellllll yes.
But as you do it more and more it gets more comfortable. I’m working towards being more comfortable, not even for videos but simply for myself so that I don’t feel like I wasted a bunch of time being anxious in the future.
It’s silly, it’s absolutely and utterly silly why I need to explain the differences between social anxiety and putting ourself in front of a camera, yet it’s understandable.
I believe people that ask why it’s so dissimilar have good intentions, they’re simply curious. But it is most irritating when I’m scrolling through Twitter, YouTube, or spoken to at a family event with people saying mean things about me or others. It absolutely dumbfounds me. People are happy and making steps towards just loving their life, yet are scrutinized for “dwelling” on something they can’t control?
Mind boggling.
Being told “it’s so weird to see you like that on snapchat” or “I didn’t know you could do that” (obviously, this one isn’t as bad because sometimes it truly does feel like I’m Hannah Montana or something- god I sound conceited- I promise, I’m shit) from people that rarely see you, let alone your fun side is painful. But it’s an eye-opener. For them.
Because I, as well as everyone else that battles social anxiety along with the love for their creative, goofy, and in search for fun sides already know it seems odd. Thus, why it helps to speak to a camera.
If a video is posted by a YouTuber, Instagrammer, Snap Chatter, what have you, there’s always the choice on whether or not to read the comments and / or delete the content you put out.
Obviously, it’s nice to be aware of whether or not you offended anyone and it’s important to give an explanation if so, especially quickly, but that’s not due to someone being a horrible person all the time. Sometimes it’s a one-time thing or there is more to a story than someone that glances at it, or half listens to it knows.
Social anxiety and being well-spoken in front of a camera is not being fake, nor is it an invitation for arguments and pity – it’s just two different universes with one human being in common.
Please treat everyone with kindness, especially when it’s hard to understand them.
Love,
Nat
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