What if I stop saying “what if”

*Note: this is completely random and utterly in need of some kind of editing, but please know that I wrote this in one minute and I needed to simply express it haha*

I’m scared. What if he’s changed. It’s been four years since I saw him. Three since I REALLY saw him. What if his smile doesn’t light up anymore. What if he’s grown cold and shudders at the thought of me. What if he ignores me completely. 
What then. 
What if. 
What if I stopped saying what if. 
What if he smiles because I took the time to reach out. What if he laughs because it took so long. What if he says he wants to see me as soon as I’m home. 
What if my heart gets exactly what I want…
But he’s not what I want anymore…
What if I stopped saying what if…

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