I want to talk about love for a second. No, I am not an expert on love, that is an absolute fact. However, I know what it feels like, and I know what it shouldn’t feel like.
I know some of the people reading this may be going through a break up, in a new relationship, in a four year relationship, there are many different possibilities. Whatever the case may be, I just feel the need to tell you what I believe love to be, and to help anyone questioning whether they are in it or not, or feel they should be for that matter.
First and foremost: it does not matter if you are in a relationship right now or not. **The first step to loving anyone else is loving yourself first**
What love should feel like:
- When you love someone, their happiness makes you happy, their sadness gets you a bit down and so on. But, that in no way should mean you take it to heart and they rip you up from the insides due to their imbalance of emotions.
- The overwhelming feeling of butterflies when you see them or think of them, yet comfortable when you’re with them.
- You’re always smiling.
- You push each other to be the best version of yourselves. There’s no belittling eachothers ideas or dreams in order to keep the other person around.
- When you say you love them, you mean it 100%.
- You write about them.
- They look at you when you’re not looking at them in a way as if to say you’re the only thing they see. and when you catch them, they smile and look away.
- You get excited when you think of the littelest memory– For instance, when they sat down next to you when they could’ve sat by their friend on the other side of the room when given a chance.
- You want the best for them, even if the best isn’t you.
- You still love them after they’ve gotten a haircut (sounds bad, but some people are only into other people for their looks. Shocker, right? You want to make sure that’s not you)
- You think about them every day and wonder how they are doing.
- They dont leave you to fight your own battles when you need them. You may say you don’t need them, and you may be angry when they try to help, yet they stick around because they know you need them whether you want to admit it or not.
- They do sweet things to cheer you up, bring ice cream when your sick or a pacski on fat tuesday.
- they don’t change the station when you’re favorite song is on that they aren’t too fond of. Instead, they crank the volume up and give you a “what I do for you” look instead.
- They make you feel like all the heart pains you’ve felt before were worth it.
- They respond right away to a text, email, phone call, etc. That’s just common courtesy though too.
- They NEVER comment on your weight unless asked a question.
- They play songs that make you happy when you’re sad.
- They lay with you when you have your monthly enemy and give you chocolate. (okay, this is just a nice thing, what girl wouldn’t want this. Actually funny, because this was me but then one day he did and I oddly felt better).
- When you see them for the first time in a while they pick you up in a hug.
- They write you a note every once in a while to tell you you’re one of the nicest people they’ve ever known. And you believe it.
- They sit and read a book with you.
- You’re comfortable in silence.
- They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care.
- They bring you soup when you’re sick.
- They do little things for you that make it feel like you have everything.
- You can feel in your soul that this person understand you. You’re quirks, sense of humor, thoughts, and all.
- You want to look good for them. You’re all about looking good for yourself, but in this case you want to look good so they know how good you can look and that you cared enough to not throw on sweats for once.
- They dont care that you like cartoons and disney movies, they will gladly watch them with you.
- They don’t care if you would rather sit and play a whole 22 levels of a knock-off Donkey Kong game instead of go out to dinner, they will gladly sit there and watch you play it (you also ask them to play, of course, no rudeness here).
- When you look at them you feel like you’re home.
- They make you laugh. If a person can make their crush genuinely laugh, that is a great sign.
What love shouldnt feel like:
- A relationship should never feel like a constant battle.
- You should not rely on them–or any other person– for your own happiness.
- They should never be mean to you. Whether its once in a while or you see it becoming more everyday, there should be no competitions or intentional physical or emotional harming. Ever.
- You hear the words “I love you” and your gut (ALWAYS listen to your gut, I can’t stress this enough) tells you something isn’t right.
- You don’t write about them.
- WHEN EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DO ANNOYS YOU.
- .They buy ice cream for themselves and send you a photo knowing you are sick. They do this with a lot of things come to think of it.
- They say your “boney” after saying you were getting “chubby in the thighs” months prior, and claim it was a joke.*Flashback to “Love Actually” when Natalie was telling Hugh Grant about her ex and sadly, this is a legitimate thing some guys do and say thinking its okay).
- They only act kind and care about you when their friends are around.
- They don’t say sorry. Instead, they flip the situation around on you, so you then reflect two hours later and feel like a hopeless idiot when in reality this is their little manipulative magic trick.
- They complain, constantly. And you listen, constantly, because you care. But if you ever say one thing about yourself, they pretend to fall asleep and/ or change the topic.
- When they seem to pay the most attention to you its when you’re wearing legginggs or any kind of clothing that shows off you’re shape for once.
- They whine when they don’t get something they want. I’m not talking a cute whine, I’m talking about flat out “whhhyyyyyy” the kind of things little boys do, and then throw a fit.
**Disclaimer: I’m in no way saying I know exactly what love is or that these are the only tell-tale signs the person you’re in a relationship with is a yes or no… genuinely just wanted to share my view on a few good and/or bad signs the s/o could be dodging or bringing to your attention.**
Don’t worry if he turns out to be an asshole. No, you arent stupid, and no, hes not the last guy that will ever find you attractive in everything you do. It takes a lot of steps to get past heartbreaks. but you’ll meet the right one, this is just the journey leading up to it. Sometimes, especially if their an asshole, the relationship wont be as hard as you thought to get over.
All the people prior to finding that one person, they are lessons. Take what you like and didn’t like from those relationships and keep it stored in the back of your mind for later. No guy is the same, don’t compare every guy you meet to previous relationships, don’t work based off a mental checklist, but take these things as steps and tics as to what you’re looking for or in need of.
Also, there is NEVER a good time for a break-up, ever. There is always a birthday, a holiday, or some sort of festivitiy. The right thing to do is to not lead them on, not everyone knows the right thing. Sometimes its hard to do the right thing when being put in a position where one may feel powerless, but it will take a giant weight off your chest that you may not have known you were carrying.
If you’ve been under countless stress, back and forths with yourself, sleepless nights filled with tears, etc. know that you are worth more than that. There is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you. It will shock you when you actually meet them, but it happens when you least expect it. They are waiting just around the corner.